KNIGHT IN SLIGHTLY DENTED ARMOR...STAYING MARRIED WHEN HE'S NOT THE MAN OF YOUR DREAMS

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KNIGHT IN SLIGHTLY DENTED ARMOR...STAYING MARRIED WHEN HE'S NOT THE MAN OF YOUR DREAMS

What do you do when your marriage isn't what you dreamed it would be? When your spouse treats you like you don't deserve to be treated? First, let me say, I'm a big advocate of reading and studying books on marriage and sharing portions with your spouse. It's important to know the guidelines for marriage. It's funny. Want to be a nurse? You go to college for years and learn how to be one. Want to play the piano? You take lessons for years and learn how to play. Want to play tennis? Ditto. But you want to get married? Just find a preacher and tie the knot. That's it. For most people. Thankfully, some ministers, like my husband, requires premarital counseling sessions, which help prepare you for marriage and what to expect. Couples need to learn that there are "rules" in marriage. Did you know there are even rules on how to fight (fuss, discuss, disagree) properly? I'll share them one day.

So studying books on marriage is a given. They'll not only help your spouse, they'll can help you. You can learn the proper response to your mate's actions (or lack of actions).

The most important thing you can do is resolve to stay married. Oh, I'm not talking about staying in a marriage if s/he beats you or is promiscuous with many sexual partners. That's a whole different topic. I'm talking about staying married when your spouse disappoints you, or when you can't seem to get along with each other, or when you fall out of love. Gasp. I said "Gasp" because some couples actually split over this, and this is no valid reason to split it. Why? Because you're relying on emotions and not your vow at the altar. The love can come back. It can be nourished and fanned back into a roaring flame of love.

Here are some quotes that caught my eye as I thought about this post:

Sorrow looks back, worry looks around, but faith looks up.

Somebody's reading this right now and needs to catch hold of a spark of faith so you can believe that things are going to get better in your marriage. Don't look back or around. Look up. To God. Believe Him. And do your part while you're waiting. My mother and grandmother always said, "Do the right, no matter what he does."

Always choose to do the right thing.

No matter what your spouse does.

Here's another quote:

It's not the load that breaks you down; it's the way you carry it.

That goes along with a quote I heard Christian psychologist Dr. Richard Dobbins say: "It's not the circumstances in life that make or break you, but how you choose to handle them."

In other words, no matter what your situation, now matter how unloving or disagreeable or ____________________ (you fill in the blank) your spouse is, it's up to you to respond correctly. You can do it. With the Lord's help. Oh, things won't change overnight. It'll take some time.

Remember, faith looks up. Choose to believe.