KRISTY POLLYANNA/KRISTY CHRISTY?

I've often said that as an author—and as a person—I'm Kristy Pollyanna or Kristy Christy (Catherine Marshall's novel). I'm cheerful, trusting, naïve, sometimes shy, and at times overly solicitous in trying to meet people's needs. I just can't help it.


It's me, to the sinews of my soul.


It's how I was raised. It's what my mother was like, whom I adored. Friends of hers often tell me I'm her clone.


But I'll tell you what. That nature got my mother through a life that could've been tragic but was instead happy and productive and inspiring to others. One day I'm going to write a novel echoing her life.


But about a year or so ago, I began to question myself. Especially my cheerfulness and exuberance. For example, in emails, or in conversation, I couldn't say, "I'm happy to see you." I had to say, "I'm soooo happy to see you" and maybe even lay a hand on the person's forearm for added caring. A few editors along the way have told me to tone it down in my writing, that I'm overly dramatic.


I have to footnote this, however, by saying most editors have been very encouraging to me concerning my writing. And I have stacks of letters from readers telling me how much they love my writing and how passages have actually affected their lives and even brought about change in direction and/or attitude.


But that's not what I was thinking about during this time. I fell into a mode of self-criticism and self-skepticism that stymied me to a certain extent (however, I wrote two contracted works of fiction. Thanks, Lord.). Who am I? I began to wonder. And why am I this way? And where has it gotten me? Particularly in my writing? Should I strive to be like so and so? They write such sassy, saucy characters who always have a good comeback to fling someone's way, and sometimes I can't even get my characters to talk! (Like me, I guess.)


So I went through this rather painful time of soul searching. As a Christian, I know myriads of scriptures by heart. I'm thinking of the ones that assure you that God created you just the way you are for a purpose, such as Jeremiah 29:11, and many more. I know them like the back of my hand. So I read them, quoted them, even pondered them at length.


But the scriptures that seemed to find fertile ground in my heart were:


"I would have lost heart, unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the Lord." Psalm 27:13


"The Lord is near to those who have a broken heart, and saves such as have a contrite spirit." Psalm 34:18


"Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but when the desire comes, it is a tree of life." Proverbs 13:12


It was like I was trying to find my voice, meaning what I'm really supposed to be writing. I felt like the proverbial fish out of water. I just pictured a fish flopping on the sandy banks. But that's not a good analogy, because I wasn't trying to get back in the water, or even needing to. I guess the best way to describe it is, I felt like I was in limbo. Oh yes, now I know how to describe it. Floundering. Webster's says floundering means "to struggle to obtain footing" or "to act ineffectually." That describes how I felt to a T.


For sure, it was a time of self-discovery.


Thankfully, I'm happy to report that I've come up with some direction for my writing. And I believe the outcome is going to be good, in fact, beyond my expectations. The last scripture I listed, above, says, "When the desire comes, it is a tree of life."


Hallelujah!


The first thing I think of while reading that verse is the tree of life in the Garden of Eden. It was life sustaining, and God told Adam and Eve to freely partake of it.


This is getting good, concerning my writing!


There are over 300 references to trees and wood in the Bible. They were important in many ways. The acacia tree yields gum Arabic and gum Senegal which are used in adhesives, pharmaceuticals, dyes, and confections. Scholars say algumwood was used to build the pillars of King Solomon's temple because of its strength, beauty, and long life. On and on I could go listing trees whose nuts, fruits, and blossoms were used for food, oil, confectionary, embalming, therapeutic balms, etc.


The tree of life, as I said, was an important thing in the Holy Scriptures. Besides being life sustaining to Adam and Eve, it is listed in Revelation 22:2 as a fruit-bearing tree with healing in its leaves.


Healing?


I'll take healing any day. Healing of mind, heart, emotions, body, spirit, you name it.


Then, the tree of life is listed in Proverbs four times, and in these four times it's figurative for an exhilarating experience.


Exhilarating experience?


I'll take an exhilarating experience any day. Webster's says the verb exhilarate means "enliven, excite, refresh, stimulate."


It also says exhilarate means "to make cheerful."


"To make cheerful?"


Talk about coming full circle?


More later…