WOULD YOU STAY TRUE TO YOUR SPOUSE IF...?
This week, you have a chance to win Deborah Raney's newly-released A Vow to Cherish by commenting on my blog. Deb, herself, will send it to you, so it'll be autographed. Worldwide Pictures made a movie of her title. Her title says it all: a vow's been made, and it's cherished, or at least needs to be.
In thinking about this novel, a question formed in my mind: "Would you stay true to your spouse if s/he became debilitated?" For many, the answer is an automatic "yes." But for others, it's "no," unfortunately. Phooey, I know spouses who don't stay true to their spouses when they aren't debilitated. Perhaps they've become loose with their demeanor with a coworker, and then an affair starts; or perhaps their spouse isn't the man or woman of their dreams, and they get involved with someone else erroneously thinking the grass is greener on the other side; or perhaps their spouse is plain mean to them, and their heart is yearning for tenderness, and along comes someone who provides that tenderness, and bingo, an affair is born. The mean spouse thing is what the Dr. Phil show was about last night--a mean spouse whom Dr. Phil is trying to retrain.
But back to my question, what would you do?
This is a letter from "Annie's Mailbox" in the newspaper:
Dear Annie: My husband's health is not good. According to his doctors, the outlook is grim. I do all I can for him and love him very much. I have a friend whose wife is in a nursing home and also not doing well. We both are very lonely. Neither of us has been intimate with our spouses for years. Is it possible to love my husband as much as I do and still be interested in some TLC and friendship with someone else? I can't believe my own feelings. Is it wrong to act on this? (from) Somewhere in Florida
Dear Florida: Your feelings are normal, but we are not going to give permission for you to have an affair, sorry. Marriage vows include "in sickness and health." Dinner and a movie with your friend is fine, as long as it is friendship only. We understand your loneliness and desire for companionship, but there are better ways. (Annie goes on to name a support organization.)
Again: "Would you stay true to your spouse if s/he became debilitated?"
posted by Kristy Dykes @ 8:54 AM
4 comments
4 Comments:
No question. Marriage is forever.
Besides, my mother became debilitated by a neurological disease when I was so young that I barely remember her any other way. My dad was right there until he closed his eyes. Doesn't mean there weren't rough times between them, and I even used to wonder about this very question as a teen, but they remained committed to one another until death made separated them.
What a wonderful picture of committed, sacrificial love. Thanks for sharing.
I think it's very easy sometimes to say, "Of course" to this question. But it's certainly harder to act it out, and I would be the last person in the world who'd condemn someone for wanting some "TLC and friendship." As long as that's all it is...and no one violates a marriage in anything they do...I think it's just fine.
We also have to remember that "TLC" to one might look like "adultery" to another; this is something that can't be helped, people being the way they are. But it also says much more about the person doing the assessing and "spotting the adultery" than it does about the two "good friends" who are probably sharing nothing more than a cup of coffee or two, dinner, and a few good laughs that they both need.
I would dread having to do what my mother did for my father, taking care of him even though he probably should have been taking care of himself..and getting in return cussing out, abuse, ingratitude, and bitterness. He had abused her all her life; they were even divorced because of his cruelty, then "remarried" in name only so she could get health insurance. She had no legal obligation to do so, and many people would say she had no moral one, either. But she came out of the goodness of her heart and helped him out.
I don't know if I would be able to do that. And I certainly wouldn't put anyone down who didn't. There's marriage as God intended it to be, and then there's being a doormat...and I truly don't believe God would have looked askance at my mother if she'd told my father to take care of his own blasted self. :-)
This is such a tough question and deserves careful consideration...and compassion for those who find for whatever reason that this commitment to the end is difficult or impossible. My heart goes out to them.
My take,
Janny
You are so right, Janny. Thanks for your thought-provoking comments.
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