Tuesday, November 07, 2006


The Bible says in Titus 2:3, 4: “The older women likewise, that they be reverent in behavior, not slanderers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things--that they admonish (or teach) the younger women to love their husbands...” (NKJV).

Hmmm, I wondered, when that verse leapt out at me one day. What are some concrete ways to "love your husband"? Thoughts started pouring into my heart, and I grabbed a pen and jotted them down. They became the basis for my message for women entitled "How to Love Your Husband." They're all based on scriptures, and I believe the Lord birthed these truths in my heart.

I've crisscrossed the nation teaching these truths to women.

I'd like to share a streamlined version of them, below. May they take root in your heart, and may you find new ways to love your husband.

1. RESPECT HIM. "And the wife must see to it that she deeply respects her husband--obeying, praising, and honoring him" (Ephesians 5:33, LB). Respect means, “to consider worthy of high regard.”

Quick Tip: Don't "talk down" to him or make fun of him, especially in public.

2. BE HIS CHEERLEADER! "And the Lord God said, It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him" (Genesis 2:18, NIV).

Quick Tip: Encourage and compliment him.

3. SUBMIT TO HIM AS YOUR HEAD. "Wives, fit in with your husbands' plans" (I Peter 3:1, LB). True biblical submission, according to the Greek, means, "to graciously cooperate with the headship of your home."

Quick Tip: Learn to be assertive without being threatening.

4. OVERLOOK HIS FAULTS AND CONCENTRATE ON HIS PLUS POINTS. "Love will cover a multitude of sins" (1 Peter 4:8, NKJV).

Quick Tip: Remind yourself of his good points continually and try not to concentrate on his shortcomings.

5. RESPOND TO HIS SEXUAL NEEDS. "Because of the temptation of immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise, the wife to her own husband. For the wife does not rule over her own body, but the husband does; likewise the husband does not rule over his own body, but the wife does. Do not refuse one another..." (I Corinthians 7:2-5, RSV).

Quick Tip: Be knowledgeable about sexuality, which God created. Read the two classics, The Act of Marriage by Tim LaHaye and Intended for Pleasure by Dr. Ed Wheat. Above all, ask the Lord to help you in this area.

6. DON'T LOOK TO HIM FOR YOUR HAPPINESS. "...in thy presence is fullness of joy" (Psalm 16:11, KJV). Always remember, lasting happiness comes only from the Lord, not a man.

Quick Tip: Look to the Lord for your joy and encouragement, not your husband.


What are some ways you've done these things for or to your husband: respect him, cheer him, submit to him, overlook his faults and concentrate on his plus points, respond to his sexual needs, and not look to him for your happiness? Any examples?


At 1:04 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

When we submit to our husbands, does that mean he can just do anything he wants and we have to shut up about it? my husband would like it that way.

At 6:05 PM, Blogger Kristy Dykes said...

No. A submissive wife does not equate to a doormat. A man is not to wipe his feet on us. The verse that teaches wives to be submissive? Right before it, it teaches mutual submission (regarding each other's wishes over your own).

My prayer is that Godly order will come into your home. Amen.

At 11:37 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

thank you soooo much.....I am trying to study submissiveness....you see, the problems that I have is with some of the choices he makes. One of them is recently he keeps in contact with a woman that is not a believer and has hurt me with her. I really do not know if he had a romantic relationship with her but it sure did look that way. this weekend he took our son and went to her little girl's birthday party. I tried so hard not to say anything ....but i eventually got aggrivated. he says that he doesnt really want to be around her b/c she is an alcoholic who makes things hard on herself to get attention. He also says that she treats her kids bad. He has said that her girls love him. I asked him "so you are going to be there when they get married?" and he said Yes....mind you the children are 12 and 8 years old. Being around this woman, it has damaged our marriage severly. He had even taken her and her two girls and our son on a weekend vacation and i was not allowed to know where the were! I am not innocent in my behavior...violence and such. I am trying to get over this but as long as he keeps in contact with her, I feel worthless. What do you think? HELP!

At 3:04 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Anonymous, it sounds to me like you're dealing with more than one issue here. Your husband's actions, based on what you've said here, certainly seem to be outside the bounds of decent Christian conduct. Submitting to him doesn't mean sanctioning or encouraging sin. It doesn't sound, though, as if you're having any luck conveying those concerns to him. Perhaps the intervention of a male friend or relative or even your minister would be in order. Someone outside your relationship could address the propriety of his actions without getting into the "I want/you want" context.

But feeling "worthless" as long as your husband keeps in context with this woman is equally unacceptable, and this one is on you to fix. As Kristy says above, our worth and value and purpose comes from the Lord, not from another human being. So long as you allow your husband to determine your sense of self-worth, you're giving him more power than God. I think you know that's not right.

You'll be in my prayers as well.

At 10:26 AM, Blogger Ms. Riss said...

The Bible says in Ephesians 5:24-25:

24Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

25Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her

So as women we are supposed to submit - but the man has to love us with the love of Christ - the kind of love that makes one lay down their life! Now if a man can love me like that I should have NO PROBLEM being submissive. It's a two way street and the men defintely have a harder task. All I have to do is shut up and cooperate!

At 2:58 PM, Anonymous Lisa said...

Good points here. Question: What do you do if your husband has completely abandoned romance, and retaliates negatively if you lovingly bring it up? It's hard to be a cheerleader and focus on his good qualities in that case.

At 7:01 PM, Blogger Kristy Dykes said...

Milton, here for Kristy, this will take significant effort, prayer, and patience. God can change hearts. Keep loving, keep building him up, keep your heart right. Good things come to people who are patient and endure.

Please read on in this blog if you want to read and amazing story. Kristy went to heaven over two years ago from a GBM brain tumor, yet her legacy lives on.

Blessings, Milton


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