SAND CASTLES AND SUCCESSFUL MARRIAGES

The little boys are gone—our grandboys whom we enjoyed for several days. They were at Camp Nana and Papa, what we called our time together because of all the outings we took them on and the fun things we did.

Sunday afternoon, we took them to the beach. For nearly an hour, they enjoyed playing in the waves, me standing close because I felt the undertow's tug. When I was a child swimming in these same waters, my mother used to say, "Watch out for the undertow. It's strong today."

As the waves came, the four-year-old would either run from them, splashing his way to the sand, or he'd let them hit him full force. The first-grader never ran from them. He either let them hit him or he plunged into them. Through it all, there was a lot of laughing and a lot of look, Nanas, look at me.

Then we built a sand castle. Well, I did. They were busy in the sand beside me, doing their own thing. I started by scooping my moat and piling the sand into the middle to create a castle. "Oh, Nana," the four-year-old said when he finally looked up, "your castle is so pretty."

I had a nice big mound and was ready to make my turrets. I needed water. Since the tide was now coming in, I knew it would reach us soon. Sure enough, an inch of fast-moving water came toward us and filled my moat. I scooped up a mixture of sand and water, poised my hand above the highest point of my castle, and let the mixture trickle down as I worked on forming turrets here and there.

I kept scooping up the sand mixture and trying to make my turrets, but I couldn't get the mixture's ratio right. To form turrets, you have to have just the right amount of sand and water, and then you have to pour it with precision aim. If you pour too quickly, the turret can topple over as soon as it's formed; if you pour too slowly, glop—glop—glop—you won't even have a turret. You'll have a dry glop.

One reason I couldn't get the mixture right was because I was working too fast—because I had a big problem. The tide was coming in faster and faster and was threatening the foundation of my castle as wave after wave—gentle though they were—kept hitting my building area.

As I sat there building my castle, I thought about marriage. I saw a lot of correlatives…

The castle is marriage.

The waves coming in are outside forces that threaten to destroy our marriages.

The sand mixture is the combination of give and take. My philosophy is, there are givers and takers (kinds of people). Marriages are made up of four combinations: 1) givers and takers 2) takers and givers 3) givers and givers 4) takers and takers. Marriages #3 and #4 are the most uncommon, from what I've observed. Marriages #1 and #2 are the most common. If there's too much taking in these marriages—just as I had too much sand in my mixture and not enough water—these marriages can be destroyed. Conversely, too much giving not only doesn't destroy a marriage, it builds it and solidifies it.

You have to have the right blend.

How does that compute down to basic living and marriage?

If you're the taker in your marriage—the one wanting your spouse to "Bring me a soft drink while you're up" type person, or, "Get me a (whatever)"through directness or indirectness—there are more clues, but I'll cut this short—you need to do less taking and more giving.

If you're the giver in your marriage—the one who's always doing for your spouse—you can unwittingly become a doormat, and you need to do less giving and by doing so, your spouse will do more giving.

This giver and taker thing has nothing to do with gender.

It's about the sand mixture inside the heart of the individual.

I hope this makes sense.

The last correlative that came to me as I sat there scooping sand, is, I shouldn’t' have built my castle so close to the shoreline. That was my biggest mistake of all.

I could've eventually gotten the sand mixture right.

I could've even gotten the water I needed in my moat without relying on the incoming waves; I could've carried bucket after bucket of water far up on the shore where I should've built my castle in the first place.

"Whoever hears these sayings of Mine, and does them, I will liken him to a wise man who built his house on the rock: and the rain descended, the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on that house; and it did not fall, for it was founded on the rock. But everyone who hears these sayings of Mine, and does not do them, will be like a foolish man who built his house on the sand: and the rain descended, the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on that house; and it fell. And great was its fall." Matthew 7:24-27 NKJV

My castle came…melting down. Wave after wave crashed over it, and it literally melted into almost-flatness.

"Lord, help me in my marriage. Help me to get the sand mixture right. Help my foundation to solidify. And where I fail, Lord, please make up the slack. I know You will, because Your Word says You'll help me. Amen."

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