Romance and Imperfect Marriages

Couples in love, especially those who are novices at it, need to learn a few secrets.

Kristy has as few vices as any one you would ever meet. Her heart is a pure heart--not vengeful, or haughty, or high minded, or covetous. She is hospitable and generous. She has given her very last ounce of strength more times than I can tell you for her family and for others. Now she isn't or never has been perfect, but she has been diligent in striving to honor God all her life. Now this is some holy gal.

Most people would say that I have been a good guy. Didn't smoke, didn't drink, didn't spit or chew, didn't go to bad movies, lie, steal, or cheat. Can quote lots of Scripture. Known to be a prayer intercessor. Honored God...Helped people go to heaven. Not perfect...but a nice fellow.

Now these two lilly whites meet, fall in love, and walla... you have a perfect marriage.

Wrong....bad wrong...

There is no such thing as a perfect marriage. It is impossible to have two people in marriage that have minds and wills of their own without having some differences--sometimes big differences.

Here is part of the secret you must know in marriage: YOU CAN HAVE A HAPPY MARRIAGE AND NOT NECESSARILY BE HAPPY ALL THE TIME. Did you read it? Do you get it? Sweet romance will overcome the storms of inevitable difference, if you're willing.

Boy, have we had some dozy of arguments!!??!! We didn't cuss. Didn't throw things. Didn't go home to Momma or Daddy. But we did have some very, fantastic arguments. And, I suspect there might be a few more to come.


Do you remember Ruth Bell Graham's famous quote of whether she had thought of divorcing her famous, world evangelist husband, Dr. Billy Graham? She said, I never thought of divorcing him......but murder!!!"

But here is the good news. You can have a life of romance and sweet lovin' even with some exciting or difficult moments of difference along the way.

Our biggest argument??? I don't remember. Maybe Kristy will remember when she gets her thinking back. Or maybe better, maybe when she gets her memory in full function then she won't remember it either.

Here's three points to help with arguments and differences: 1. Don't let the sun go down on your wrath. Don't stay mad over twenty four hours. It isn't worth it. 2. Don't let the little things bug you. Give it up. Move on. Learn to compromise and give and take. I can tell you as one whose spouse has a serious, deadly brain tumor that little things don't matter much. 3. No one's opinion is more important than a person. Opinions don't trump people. Don't fight for right and kill your mate.

Clean up the mess. Forgive and forget and let the make up lovin' begin.

Now, I have counseled long enough to know that some couples have messed up so badly that other steps might need to be taken, but you would be surprised how much can be corrected and erased by these few small steps.

Learn these important phrases:

YOU'RE PROBABLY RIGHT. (Not to be said with sarcasm)

or
I AM SORRY. I WAS WRONG. PLEASE FORGIVE ME.

Now repeat them again.

YOU'RE PROBABLY RIGHT.

or
I AM SORRY. I WAS WRONG. PLEASE FORGIVE ME.

If you don't have them memorized now, repeat them twice more.


How is Kristy?

I woke in the middle of the night with Kristy wanting to get something. She tried to communicate but the words wouldn't come out right. Sometimes she communicates as clear as a bell, but at other times its real fuzzy. Finally, we went into the kitchen, Kristy's kitchen, and she found her heart's desire for the moment and asked me, "What's this?"

I said, "An apple". There we were with her sitting in the bed, in the middle of the night, with her eating an apple. It was kinda cute and touching. When she finished, she snuggled up close and told me what a good man I am. I told her how much I loved her....and the night continued.

She is slowly weaning off the pain drugs....She had a good afternoon and evening. Praise God for His goodness.

Keep praying for Kristy....for us.

Her Husband, Milton

PS. The picture was taken a couple months back in San Juan, Puerto Rico, where our daughter, Jennifer, lives.