Monday, October 06, 2008


Milton, here for Kristy:

Kristy was crawling over me returning to her side of the bed after going downstairs to check on little Julie and Jennifer. We had been on vacation years ago up in the Smokies with the "four ministry couples" that we have often spent time together and our little ones were sleeping on the basement floor. Kristy and I were on the second floor. It was late into the night, and the room and house was dark and she didn't want to stumble around the room to her side of the bed so she just began crawling over me.

I reached up and "touched" her as only husbands should and quietly whispered, "Is that you Kristy?" 

She suddenly paused with surprise and then a little giggle, "What do you mean, 'is that you, Kristy?!!!!!

I responded, "I just wasn't so sure." 

"Well, you better be sure!" she said,

I was sure. I was always sure. Our love was a committed, pure love. She knew that.

We quietly laughed into the night. I had "gotten" her.


Today I continue on the topic Sex and the Saints that Kristy so passionately pursued by sharing her Biblical based views on romance and love. She wrote it; she lived it; she loved it. Now I reflect on the wonderful years of marital bliss we enjoyed and she desired to inspire others to experience.

The root of success in this physical dimension of marriage all stems out of love. So what is love? How is love lived out sexually in the marriage bed?

Love understands, reaches out, is not demanding or withholding or inconsiderate. It does not seek its own way. It is respectful. Love is patient and kind.  It looks to the needs of the other. It is faithful. It is not pushy, self-indulgent, or faithless. Love believes, bears, and hopes all things. Love never fails.

So here goes some sex talk:

Sex based on love is understanding of the other's needs.

Sex based on love reaches out and pursues.

Sex based on love is not demanding of its own wishes.

Sex based on love does not withhold.

Sex based on love is never inconsiderate.

Sex based on love never seeks its own interests.

Sex based on love is respectful.

Sex based on love is patient.

Sex based on love is kind.

Sex based on love is never demanding.

Sex based on love serves the other's needs.

Sex based on love gives when there is tiredness.

Sex based on love makes time.

Sex based on love is faithful.

Sex based on love is not pushy.

Sex based on love is not self-indulgent.

Sex based on love is not faithless.

Sex based on love has hope.

Sex based on love bears all things.

Sex based on love believes.

Sex based on love endures all things.

Sex based on love never fails.

I wish I could say that Kristy and I were successful in our marriage in every point I mentioned. Thankfully, in most of these points we had an honor role grade or at least a passing grade, but in some points we both had to work to get a decent grade. There lies the point: Marriage is work and sex that has fireworks with fun has focused, specific attention. It is not all spontaneous, euphoric ecstasy. 

Love is a decision that is lived out by the act and choice of our will. God chose to love us. He didn't just "fall in love" with us. He loved us when we were sinners. Love is a choice.

In marriage, hopefully our choice of a mate was made and committed to with enthusiasm and excited passion and not mere rote choice, but the marriage relationship that is lived out has more than excited, happy emotion. It was lived out daily by committed choice as well as with euphoric passion.

Our marriage bed of sexual relationship includes committed, determined choices manifested in a godly and caring manner. It was a I Corinthians 13 love. It was love that was lived out as Kristy often said, "When the hands are not sinking into his arms but are rather sinking into the sink." It was love lived out when there wasn't always emotion, passion, or desire, but we worked through those times and we worked to do right sexually because that is what true love does.

Now, may I close my thoughts by encouraging you to look at the needs and failing of your spouse, if you are married, and pray for him or her. Will you ask God to help you to grow in His love as you love your mate? Will you ask God to forgive you where you have failed, and will you chose a sexual lifestyle lived out by God's love?

If you're marriage is enjoying one of those beautiful seasons and everything is OK, would you pray for God's love to reach out to some you know are in need?

If you are single by choice or widowed or in a time of physical sexual impairment, would you let God draw you closer to Him so that your life honors Him during this season?

If there is brokenness and sorrow in your marriage or life, would you let Jesus strengthen you and give wisdom and guidance so that better days will be ahead for you.

I will write another post or so on this topic, but I pray that God will help someone to a higher love and a greater dimension of fireworks and fun by Kristy's and our example and life.


At 10:55 AM, Blogger B. J. Brooks said...

Amen! Excellent Post, Milton.

Many Blessings,
B.J. Brooks

At 12:39 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Right on Pastor Milton!
Right on.
Keep up the good work.

Love truly 'never fails'!

Written with forethought for us to be able to respond to our love no matter 'the kind of love available'. Love is the purpose for which Christ directed us to have in every area of our lives. Amazingly, He knows our needs. You are a wonderful extention of His plan in our lives.

God Bless You.
* a daily reader

At 6:41 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I just wanted to say thank you again. We are fighting an invisible war. This topic is one that Satan has used to place doubt & lies in our minds and by doing so, has hindered some of our marriages. I think that Church should address this issue. Thank you again for doing so.
You have blessed me! :)

At 3:24 PM, Blogger Michelle Sutton said...

I can see how it would be tough to share these things but I can see how they would clearly bless others who need encouragement. Sex is good!


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