Sunday, January 04, 2009

LIKING TURNS INTO .....

ANOTHER POST BY MILTON:

For new readers to this site, I am writing since Kristy's battle with a GBM brain tumor and her passing on July 21. Kristy made me a romantic so I write to share christian love stories.


***

Is it possible to know that someone is right for you and that God is in it and to yet know that you have not yet have fallen in love with them? Does God speak His mind and heart before feelings, emotions, romance, attraction, fun, sparks, dating, or any other "normal" dimensions of relationship building takes place?

Does God speak to us in the manner that He spoke to me in my inner man saying that "Wanda is the one that I have for you....." Is it possible that I just had an emotional moment and got caught up into something that I felt or think is God and really it is just a spiritually, emotional meltdown?

I know the answers to these questions in my heart. There were becoming too many affirmations from too many sources that were not connected and had no reason to push this new love. Kristy felt this new love before her death. A voice came to me in the night that said Wanda was the one God had for me. Jennifer, my youngest daughter, blurted out that she knew who God had for me and later told me that it was Wanda. And there were others to come who were totally separate from each other.

How could all this happen? Had they seen something that would point to this relationship? Had they all talked and collaberated? Was this a grand scheme? 

My mind went to the story of Abraham sending his servant, Eliezer, to get a bride for Isaac. This was a prearranged marriage that began in the heart of God. Eliezer prayed for guidance as he went to Abraham's home land to seek a bride. The story notes divine direction, diving order, divine obedience, diving faith, and divine excitement. I am sure that Isaac prayed over this matter but he wasn't specifically involved in the procuring process. (Now doens't that sound just like a man--"procuring process".) We do not have a Biblical record that Rebecca was praying before Eliezer got there or that she prayed after she gave him and his camel's water to drink, but I am sure she must have prayed, and we know that Isaac was meditating in the field when Rebeccca arrived on the very camels she had watered for Eliezer.

Here is the kicker about Isaac and Rebecca's love story. God directed this relationship and ordered their steps and before they fell in love. Eliezer told Rebecca's family about his servant Abraham and Abraham's son Isaac's need for a wife. Both Isaac and Rebecca had to "buy into" this miraculous romance. They had not dated, or written, or spent nights on long phone calls, or spent any time together, but they accepted what God was doing and we read that they fell in love later. I will write more about Isaac and Rebecca and Eliezer in future posts.

That is what had to happen in the new relationship between Wanda and me. I didn't fall in love with Wanda to prove the affirmations, but when I did fall in love I already knew God had ordered this relationship. God had spoken very clearly to me and I had to walk it out and still am to see and let God affirm all of what I had been told.

And, Wanda had to work out all this in her mind and heart before God. She is a lady of prayer and God had some answers to her questions that would give her peace of heart and mind.

God is faithful.

This may seem like I am in an eternal circle in describing what happened, but I am just trying to make a couple of points. First, God was definitely speaking in this matter, and second we had to connect or develop a deeper friendship and fall in love or none of those voices or words mattered and it all had to happen naturally without pressure. 

Wanda is well respected by all that know her. My family all have affirmed my life and walk. Wanda loved Jim deeply and I respected him and Wanda. I loved Kristy with all my heart and Wanda respected Kristy and me. All of our relationships had been honorable and pure. 

When these unusual happening began to occur, I didn't tell anyone. I kept them in my heart. I waited to see if things would turn toward Wanda. I am writing this story reflecting back and now have a greater confidence it what happened and those "words" and "voices" that all pointed toward Wanda.

But we still hadn't fallen in love. Our relationship was one of mutual respect. Years ago we had a work relationship with honor and no attraction. There was no reason for attraction.

Admiration? Yes. 

Respect? Yes. 

Attraction? No. 

We were both very happy with our marriages and had worked hard to have great marriages and worked hard to honor God in our marriages.

So how did respect, honor, admiration turn into love?

The more we talked on the phone nightly the more common interests, purpose, goals, and future began to collide in a good and peaceful way. We liked talking. We like talking to each other. We have commonality. There just was an amazing connection taking place.

To be honest about it I really didn't know that Wanda could talk that much. She had always been so quiet around me.

She always was, "Yes sir to me." or "No sir." 

Could I get that to continue? That is a little joke....very little. That certainly wasn't the kind of relationship I wanted now. I did not want a boss" relationship as we had years earlier. 

I didn't want to hear "Yes sir" from her. I wanted something dear, sweet, loving, and filled with kindness from her.

I know we must have had conversations of some length in the past, but I can't ever remember a one of them. We talked but we didn't talk so much. She was quiet. Respectful. Dutiful. Efficient. Kind. Thoughtful. 

But she wasn't a talker.

At least that is what I thought.

Now we couldn't get off the phone. We had clear, good, common communication. I was liking what I was hearing. The common interests were connecting, clicking, and coming at a very fast pace. The more we talked the more I liked and the more I liked the more I.....

Was this turning into love?

Quiet. Respect. Dutiful. Efficient. Kind. Thoughtful. 

Was all that now turning into a new love?

All those words and voices were standing behind me. They were helping affirm and solidify that this was a godly, good thing. It was feeling right not because I felt that I had to fall in love because I had no choice in the matter. I wasn't about to make a relationship "happen" to fulfill a wish by Kristy or a voice the came to me in the night or to make Jennifer's blurted out word come true.

If we couldn't love each other because we love each other then all those experiences would just become unusual happenings that I would look back on one day with more humor than anything else.

So how did Wanda process me telling her that Kristy said she was the one for me? It took her several days to work through what I had shared. She is mature and not gullible or easily shaken, but this was a fairly bold move on my part. 

Or was it? 

Did God have me to blurt that out or no? Looking back I think that God was in that to move the relationship in a more serious, faster moving manner. 

Wanda did process it and she did by waiting on God and letting Him prove himself. She told me later that I was moving too fast. What I had told her about Kristy knowing who God wanted me to marry caused her to take pause and go to God in prayer. She could have easily been totally turned off by all this, but she did respect Kristy and admired Kristy as a mentor. She know the life that Kristy lived and had respect for me even though this was one surprising jolt. 

Somehow and I am not sure how but we worked through that and now it seems to both of us that somehow it was amazingly providential that I said that to her. There may have been subconscious pychological ramifications to all of this, but it wasn't planned or contrived or made up. This is a real story told with real honesty with real hearts to honor God.

After a few days the calls continued and liking began to turn into ..... 

11 Comments:

At 1:26 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dear Milton,
I am an incurable romantic and so I thank you for sharing your love story with us.

You are right, your love story will be an encouragement to many.

My girlfriend lost her husband a little over a year ago to lung/brain cancer. I share your blog with her in hopes that she will find another love. She is only 51.

I know of two other love stories that developed similarly to yours.

My girlfriend's (the one I just mentioned) father married a wonderful widow whose husband had passed away a few years before. They had been next door neighbors and friends and the women agreed to take care of the other's spouse if anything should happen to them. Some thought they entered into the relationship too soon, but I thought it was God's perfect timing and loving nature - man is not meant to live alone, and that is why he created a helpmate for him.

I also have another girlfriend whose Father was a pastor and when he died, another pastor approached her mother (whose wife had died in the same facility as her husband.) and told her that the Lord had picked her for him and that since she was a pastor's wife she would be well suited to him - and he also indicated the helpmate philosophy when he asked her to marry him. The married not long after losing their spouses.

I am so happy to hear of the joy that the Lord has brought into your life. It is an answer to the prayers of many, I am sure.

We prayed for Kristy and you and your family - you all have become a part of your / Kristy's readers lives! Thanks for opening up the doors and sharing a real Christian Love Story with us.
MaryAnn from Pittsburgh, PA

 
At 4:05 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I wonder if you have considered starting a brand-new blog and perhaps linking it to Kristy's former blog?

 
At 5:22 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Great idea about the blog. We would still read. It is hard to follow your story so fresh off of Kristy's story. All the best to you.

 
At 5:50 PM, Blogger Heather Bug said...

Just read your last 2 posts and wanted to say that I think it's great you told Wanda when you did....it was obviously God's timing, which is not ours! Love reading your story!

 
At 6:04 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

dittos on your own blog.

 
At 6:32 PM, Anonymous milton dykes said...

Yes, I have plans to start another blog. I know Kristy would like this story of my new love written on this blog. We didn't talk about that but I know that lady and I know that is what she would desire.

Also, Wanda and I have talked in depth about this and we both agree on this approach.

Kristy was more transparent in her writing by far than me. She would want this story finished. She often made this preacher blush or make me want to push the delete button. Go back and read what she wrote.

I plan or transitioning to a new blog in a week or so. This has been my plan all along.

Thanks you for your continued prayers for us.

Milton Dykes

 
At 7:44 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

If you think about it Milton could you please lift up the Peace Family in prayer. These are friends of ours. Beth is 37 years old married and has 3 young kids. She is a strong Christian who has fought a good fight. She is making her way to Heaven possibly tonight due to complications from cancer. Her husband Doug like you with Kristy is by her side ushering her into Heaven. If you could please lift the family in prayer I would appreciate it. Thank You so much.

 
At 7:50 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dear Milton, When you start the new blog, will Kristy's blog still be here? Will anybody continue to post to Kristy's blog. Perhaps Julie or Jennifer? I enjoy going back to read Kristy's past entries, and I hope readers will still be buying her wonderful books. She was such a talent! Bright and beautiful and full of life! I wouldn't want to see the end of Kristy's blog.

 
At 8:21 PM, Anonymous milton dykes said...

Yes, this blog will always be here with some occasional updates.

I will have my daughters or other family members post and I will post too.

Kristy's vision and love will continue to be shared by all.

Milton

 
At 8:59 PM, Blogger A Romantic Porch said...

I just think it is so neat that Kristy named her blog, "Christian Love Stories". No one could have known it would be so full of twists and turns to the very last chapter!

 
At 4:12 AM, Blogger Barbara J. Robinson said...

A new blog for your new love--perfect.
Barb

 

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