Saturday, August 23, 2008

DREAMS, PAIN, LOSS

Milton, here for Kristy:

My thoughts today will be brief. Famous last words from preachers. Right?

This journey since November has been many, many faceted. There have so many angles to view this story.

At the beginning I couldn't understand how or why Kristy could be robbed of her dreams, our dreams. We saw many dreams comes true. We built houses and churches and raised two beautiful daughters. We traveled the country and spoke in large and small churches. She wrote and we wrote together. By His grace, we led people to the Lord and nurtured them and discipled them. We helped plant over 100 new churches and mentored young preachers and writers, and dreamed of much. much more.

That was the problem. What happened to those dreams yet before us? Was Kristy robbed? Were we robbed? The short answer that God gave me is what dream could be better than heaven and all its glory? I yield to Him. The dream issue was resolved quicken than I imagined.

Second, it was harder than I can express to watch your beloved suffer. God covered her with a cloud of peace and slid a chair of strength under her, but the physical pain was real, hard, intense and long. Now the pain is gone. She is well. Jesus is The Healer. She is OK.

But the third issue is still more difficult for me. There is loss. I sorrow over her loss. It is real. It is heavy. It grows. She should be here. I should be able to talk to her, to touch her, to love her.

I know the Scriptures....we sorrow not as those who have no hope....There is hope but please listen. We sorrow. I said we sorrow. We sorrow. Mourning, sorrow, lamenting, weeping, and grief are all part of the Bible too. Lamentations is a Book of the Bible all by itself.

My favorite life verse is Romans 15:13 "Now the God of hope fill you...." I know there is hope. I know there is a tomorrow.

In time, God will heal, but now the hole is large, deep, and wide. That is how we loved. That is why there is loss.

***

Plymouth is in North Carolina. I am in Manteo. I walked up the beach from where I am staying to Andy's house yesterday and could see it at a distance.

My friends, Ron and Judy, and I took a day trip by ferry to Okracoke.

Today I am going to fly on a bi-plane over Kitty Hawk. Are the Wright brothers still around?

For two days I have been free of Twinkies.

There is hope.

Preachers don't tell the truth about length or time of anything. Will they go to heaven?

9 Comments:

At 9:29 AM, Blogger Nana Trish is Living the Dream said...

My sister in law and her husband always visit Okracoke and they love it. I hope you are having a nice peaceful visit. We are praying for you. I hope you have fun in the bi-plane.

 
At 9:44 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thank you. I am an AG pastor's wife who has followed this blog for months now. I can't tell you how your transparency has ministered to me. My life verse is the same, but we can say out loud, there is sorrow.

 
At 10:54 AM, Anonymous Carole Lewis said...

Dear Milton,

Even though I have only met you and Kristy once (I sat by you at an AWSA luncheon a few years ago) I have followed Kristy's blog since she was diagnosed last November. My husband Johnny has stage 4 cancer and our 39 year old daugter was killed by a drunk driver 6 years ago on Thanksgiving night so we know suffering too and can emphathize with everything you and Kristy have suffered and with what you are suffering now. God gave me Romans 15:13 after Shari's death and it has sustained me because the power doesn't come from me but from the Holy Spirit. Another chapter that is precious to me is James 1. The Lord woke me up on the morning of Shari's death and drove me to the book of James. I pondered over that last verse in James 1 that morning and wondered what does this verse have for me. The verse says, "Pure religion and undefiled is this; to take care of the widows and orphans in their distress." I thought to myself what an odd verse but that very night my precious son-in-law became a widower and my 3 granddaughters became orphans to finish their growing up without their mama. Their dad has been a saint but girls still need their mama. These are some things I have learned:
1. Writing is therapeutic. I have done my best writing since Shari died. I had written 2 books in 2001 and have written 8 since then. I believe the reason is that when we have no strength, the Holy Spirit is free to use our hands, body and brain and say what He wants to say.
2. Time is the only thing that heals. Talking about Kristy is healing. We still talk about Shari all the time and the sweetness of her will always remain in our hearts.
I've gone on too long but please know that I am praying for you and that I prayed for all of you the entire time Kristy was still alive.

I believe these writings will become a book and I'm praying that God will show you exactly how to put it all together. It will be a help and blessing to so many who are going through something like this.

Lastly, I am thrilled you are "drying out" from the twinkies and have gone 2 days "twinkie free" since I am the National Director of First Place 4 Health and know from personal experience that Twinkies won't cure what is ailing you right now. Get back to running and take good care of yourself; God isn't finished with you!

God bless you,
Carole Lewis

"I would have despaired if I had not believed I would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living." Psalm 27:13

 
At 3:00 PM, Blogger Ane Mulligan said...

I understand your pain of loss, Milton. It's like losing a limb. You two were one. Now one half of YOU is gone. Where there were two, the is only one. I can understand teh traeling, too. A home once filled with singing and laughter and loving is now silent and empty.

I pray as you work through your grief, eventually the sweet memories will produce laughter instead of longing, smiles instead of silence and hope instead of hurt.

God be with you in a strong undeniable presence.

 
At 5:50 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey Milton,
Regarding your comments about being alert to when someone needs a kind word (the cup and book), I think by writing in this blog regularly you are being alert in a different way and delivering those words to people you never will know. But I'm glad you met those kind people at lunch; the thought of you sitting by yourself in that place that had Kristy written all over it would be more than I could stand. Let us know how you make out in the biplane. We love Ocracoke; it's our favorite Outer Banks spot (Manteo and Wanchese are close). Enjoy that seafood!
Love and prayers from forever a Tarheel, Kathy

 
At 7:04 PM, Blogger Carrie Turansky said...

As you take time to grieve and remember Krsity, know that your friends are praying for you. We are remembering you tonight, asking God to comfort you and renew your strength. Thank you for sharing so honestly with us.
Carrie in NJ

 
At 7:32 PM, Blogger Barbara J. Robinson said...

. . . and the dead in Christ shall rise first: Then we which are alive and remain shall be caught up together with them in the clouds, to meet the Lord in the air: and so shall we ever be with the Lord. Wherefore ‘comfort one another with these words.
1 THESSALONIANS 4: 16-18

The above-captioned verse is my favorite because it comforted me when I lost my mom and baby sister. I hope you will find comfort in it, too.

You'll see her again! Look forward to it! I sorrowed and grieved and still do. Tears spring forth like a fountain when certain memories cross my mind. But, then I remember this verse.

Blessing,
Barb

 
At 10:01 PM, Blogger DayleShockley said...

Milton, your words really touched me. I remember when my husband lost his father, who was about Kristy's age when he passed away. I remember thinking how I wished it was already next year, so some of the sorrow and grief would be behind us. But that couldn't happen. Instead, I discovered that God walked with us through the sorrow and grief, strengthening us in ways we couldn't imagine. You will be OK, but it will take time.

Our prayers are with you.

It's wonderful that in the midst of your sorrow you have such a rich sense of humor. It's contagious.

 
At 10:02 PM, Blogger Blissful said...

The Outer Banks is a wonderful place to relax. Enjoy it.

 

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