Wednesday, August 06, 2008


Milton, here for Kristy:

Make sure you read a tribute by an AWSA sister to Kristy which is at the end of today's post.


When a beloved passes, it is not a pity party.

It is real loss.

It is real grief.

It is real pain.

As hard as I have tried these years to care for those who have experienced loss, I know now I did not understand. Yes, I have lost grandparents, and in-laws, extended family members, friends, and church members, but this is beyond comprehension until you walk this journey.

I have counseled so many and prayed with those who have gone through this valley. I know some of the right things to say and some of the right things to do, but when it is your beloved you can't imagine the difference there is.

Tuesday was the first day I have been alone. My family have stood by me and have held me up, but I need to stand alone to face my fears. I will admit it. There is fear. There is question of confidence not in God but in me. I can quote all the faith Scriptures. I can say all the right statements. I can impress you with fake spirituality. No, I am not a fake, but I would be lying to say this doesn't hurt mentally, physically, and even spiritually.

So I sat listening, waiting, meditating. There was no verbal praying or crying out. It was silence. Pain overwhelmed me. Then Kristy spoke.

No, I don't mean she appeared to me. I don't mean I heard her sweet voice, but she did speak to me.

I was drawn to her blog and felt I should just click on a past post. Don't tell me this is unspiritual. Frankly, respectfully it really doesn't matter what someone thinks about what happened. There was a pull toward her blog. I was surprised because her blog and her posts had been too painful to view--until now.

But this is what happened. I randomly clicked on May, 2006, not having ever read these words before. Then Kristy spoke:

(Kristy, here for Milton)

May 6, 2006
Saturday Blessing

I bless you, that whatever your hand findeth to do today, you will do it with your might, that your strength will increase with the help of the Lord, that you will accomplish the plans and tasks He has for you today, that when you feel too weary, or too frustrated, or too uninspired, or too discouraged, or too at-the-end-of-your-rope to continue on that you will break through the fetters that bind you through the power of the Holy Spirit, and your joy shall be full! Now go, and do His will, happily, confidently, exuberantly, expectantly.


God spoke to me through Kristy's writings today. I wept more, but sensed comfort, encouragement, and hope. There is more hurt to face. I know that, but His grace came today. His grace will come tomorrow.

May I encourage you to listen, wait, and meditate today? It will make a difference in your life.


An AWSA Sister's Tribute to Kristy Dykes

Adorned by inner and outer grace,

A smile reflected Christ in your face.

You typed what God led you to share,

You opened your heart and laid it all bare.

A child of God, you walked hand-in-hand,

With Milton, your lover --always "your man."

Yet now you dance with Jesus and deeply know,

We'll join you soon; the dance will not slow.

Kristy, you meant so much to so many,

You reached out and loved on "all and any."

Now, how we miss your presence and passion!

But we'll have an AWSA reunion in Heaven!-

A Tribute from Stacie Ruth Stoelting,
a Member of AWSA (Advanced Writers and Speakers Association)


Thank you Stacie for sweet words about a sweet lady. God bless you. I am grateful you wrote.


At 8:13 AM, Blogger Rachel Overton said...

And back in 2006, when Kristy wrote those words, maybe she didn't even know why she was compelled to write that prayer, but God knew, and He provided comfort you, back then, for today.

Mysterious, isn't He? But good. Incomprehensible. But good.

Still praying, still thinking of you and yours. May God bless you abundantly today.

At 8:18 AM, Blogger Barbara J. Robinson said...

The May 6 posting reached out and spoke to me and the posting and tribute made me cry. Loss of loved ones are hard to deal with. I lost my dad when I was four years old on Christmas Day, my youngest sister in 2004, and my mother six years earlier. Their deaths were hard to deal with and painful, though I know they're in their heavenly homes waiting for me to join them. I miss them so much on earth. It takes time and Jesus to heal. It's a process you work through with God's help.

Kristy still inspires with her words. She has left a rich legacy. The way you described her and punctuality sounds a bit like me. I've been accused of being a workacholic at times. I'm always early, rather than late.

May God continue to bless you and your family and Kristy's legacy so that she continues to inspire and help others from the other side.


At 8:29 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dear Milton,

If it's unspiritual to hear from our loved ones who've gone Home, then I'm in big trouble. I only wish I had a blog to go to, but I read cards and letters from them. I find new messages in there, words I might have glazed over when they originally gave me the card. Yes, they continue to speak to us. And how I miss their unconditional love and encouragement. It's been years since they passed, but I shed tears nearly every day.

So, cry as hard as you want, as long as you want, for your beautiful Kristy. It's the Lord's way of letting us release the pain and grief that we cannot put into words.

Thank you for continuing to blog about your beautiful love story. About the highs and lows and everything in between. You'll never know (this side of heaven) how very many Kristy and you ministered to.

Love & prayers,

At 9:09 AM, Anonymous Shalom1 said...

Being drawn to Kristy's May blog had to be a divine appointment led of the Holy Spirit! Not only did it meet your needs at this time, GOD is so good to love us as He does, but it is a lesson to me to listen to that still small voice-take time to listen-and do what he leads us to do. If Kristy hadn't been listening to the Holy Spirit that day she could have not written this encouragement to you for today. GOD is so awesome! What a love letter from heaven letting you know He sees you & knows what you are going thru-the only one who could really know-and is putting circumstances in place to help you. Is this some help from Heaven that Kristy asked Jesus for???!!!
GOD BLess you today & everyday with all grace, mercy, love & favor!

At 9:15 AM, Blogger Barbara J. Robinson said...

Janet Eckles has an awe-inspiring book out titled Trials of Today, Treasures of Tomorrow that today's topic of losing loved ones brought to mind. She lost her young son. It's available at Amazon, and I have a book review posted on my blog, if anyone's interested. Her book is one that took great courage to write, and I've heard her speak about it in church recently. I thought someone who is dealing with the loss of loved ones might enjoy reading her book. I find her courage amazing. She's been through a lot, but she's anchored in Christ. The day I heard her speak Anchored in Christ was the topic.


At 9:34 AM, Blogger Kay Day said...

God is so good! This touched me deeply. Thank you for sharing.
And may God bless you as you do the work of grieving.

At 9:55 AM, Blogger Karen Eve said...

Milton, thank you for sharing and it is 100% ok to work through your grief and loss, 1 day, 1 hour, 1 minute, 1 second, at a time. And it is 100% wonderful to find healing and encouragement in Kristy's words, after all, they are part of her legacy, which is part of why we writers write. We have the capacity to leave a rich legacy. If Kristy's writings are ok for comforting others, than they should be all the more excellent for comforting her family.
And yes, you have to walk this path alone, although your loving family can be close by and even with you at times, we all have to walk out grief alone - but then we are never alone, because Jesus left us the Holy Spirit and through the HS, He and our Father walk with us and provide all that we need. As you have said, although you've comforted many, you could not have known the depth of their loss when a spouse went on ahead of them. Now God, in his wisdom, will use this difficult experience to comfort others through your experience, both of supporting Kristy through her illness and then walking through your own grief. And expect it to take time. I know that you know this, but even hero husbands and pastors are human and have to walk through this valley like everyone else. Allow yourself the freedom to walk the path, without apology and without shame. And please continue to share your path for as long as God leads, because even now you are helping many. There is fruit, even in this time. Praying for you and your family -
God Bless,

At 10:44 AM, Anonymous Nicole said...

When the house is empty, all you have is the Lord and the memory and inspiration of Kristy. How can we know unless we experience that ripping away of half our heart and soul and body? The two is now one.

May the Lord continue to comfort you as only He can do. Immerse you in the love that still reigns in your home and heart and point you to the source of all that it is.

You were the husband she desired, the one God had for her. She was the one God had for you. The pain is fresh. It can't be expected to heal quickly. Take your time in grieving. As you know, God leads in that, too.

At 11:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Kristy is with Jesus, and her hand guided you to the exact passage you needed from her blog.

We are here to listen. We wish we could help you heal from this painful greif, but only your faith in Him and time will take the very intense grief away.

But always remember Milton, there are untold hundreds and thousands here praying and weeping with you. And He is carrying you.

At 11:44 AM, Blogger Barbara J. Robinson said...

Nicole said when the house is empty, all we have is God. How right she is and how I remember that empty nest in more ways than one, when my children left home, though they lived their own lives, they were gone, and I had to learn to let go. When my loved ones died, I was alone in an empty home and found comfort through the comforter God sent, the Holy Spirit. As bad as the pain was, I had to go through it to gain the personal relationship I now enjoy with Jesus. We are never alone, but it took me being alone physically to learn this spiritual lesson.

You and Kristy are continuing to minister. Know that and heal. Kristy's last line of the May 2006 post, ". . . do His will, happily, confidently, exuberantly, expectantly," directs us all to go forth and keep on doing His will. I love her last line, as well as the entire post.

I looked at her post from last July and August and saw where she interviewed Eva Marie, my writing mentor with the Christian Writers Guild, and saw a post discussing death and life via funerals and birthdays, domestic abuse, and pictures of the century plant that only blooms once every hundred years, or so I've been told, something like that. Each post I read spoke to my heart and soul and brought tears to my eyes. Kristy was such a wise spiritual woman.

She is physcially gone, but her spirit lives on eternally and is with us through her writing legacy, which allows her to continue her ministry even after death. What a legacy! She was one special lady! She is one special lady!

Blessings and prayers daily,

At 12:39 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Mr. Milton, surely no one thinks that you are having a pity party. If so, shame on them. I have found that grief comes in waves. I heard it explained very well by Emily Chapman this morning (she is the daughter of Steven Curtis Chapman and her baby sister was killed in May), she said that grief is like being on a road and sometimes it looks beautiful and then in the next instant it is dark and raining. But the main thing is that you have your hope in a God who grieves with you and knows. He is the God who sees! You do whatever you need to do to grieve. We are praying for you and just don't even listen to those pity party people! Bless you bro!

At 3:17 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...


I don't know how you are feeling. I've never lost a spouse. But, I know I am feeling very sad and find myself crying off & on. I have also gone back and read Kristy's prior posts. She has inspired me. She was a great, wonderful, inspiring, woman. I miss her.

What I do know is that sometimes when people would try to comfort me during my grief, they would say things that would actually hurt me when it shouldn't have. For instance, in my case, "Oh they are so much better off now" "They are not hurting anymore" etc.. Instead of making me feel better, I would get angry. (I never let them know it though). I found out since that, that is part of griefing. You will get all sorts of emotions.
So I will not say anything to you except like the song says "Cry out to Jesus". The only and I mean only thing that will help you is time. Time, with Jesus' help will bring some relief.
I will continue to pray for you.

At 3:55 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thanks for todays post. It really meant a lot to me.
I am reminded of a song "Tears Are a Lauguage God Understands" It's OK to cry and it is very manly.
Love and prayers

At 4:03 PM, Blogger Carrie Turansky said...

Thank you, Milton, for sharing your tender thoughts today. I believe God led Kristy to write those words for you, and He drew you back to them when you needed them the most. They brought tears to my eyes. I am praying for you as you walk through this valley.

Today I was cleaning off my desktop on my computer. I had several photos/jpegs lined up there. I clicked on each one to check it before I trashed it, and there was Kristy smiling out at me. She was wearing a beautiful turquoise suit. Her smile was dazzling, and her eyes were shining so bright. It was taken at a book signing at the annual ACFW conference a few years ago. I am sure you have many photos, but this one is special and I would love to send it to you. If you'd like it, please send me your email. Mine is: Carrie(at)turansky(dot)com.

Thinking of you and praying for you today,
Carrie in NJ

At 4:26 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Milton, I cannot begin to imagine the loss of my spouse. Please know that my husband & I are praying for you during this time of grief. Our prayers also go out to your girls, grands & the rest of the family. It is absolutely amazing the number of people the two of you have reached during this journey. Only eternity will reveal how far reaching it has been.

Clara (Franklin) Oxendine

At 4:36 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Today, at many times during the day, I have felt the desire to pray for you. I join the many who are praying that the chair and cloud provide more comfort than ever. I am thankful that God has a servant Milton who is still ministering to people on this blog ...even in his greatess time of sorrow.

At 6:44 PM, Blogger Blissful said...

Milton, you are not alone. So many of us are reading your blog and in thought and prayer for you constantly. God be with you

At 8:22 PM, Blogger Cheryl Jones said...

My heart and thoughts and prayers are with you as they have been for months reading this blog.
I felt really led to give you another young man who knows what you are going through at this very time. I thought you may want to meet him.

Intereceding for you,

At 8:59 PM, Blogger Ane Mulligan said...

I beleive God uses what He knows will bring us peace. For you, He used Kristy's words ... once again.

What a beautiful tribute to Kristy. How she blessed those around her ... in life and beyond. I get a profound blessing thinking that her words will continue on, blessing those who read them.

Be blessed. And continue to share. I believe in the sharing comes healing.

We continue to hold you up in prayer.

At 11:17 PM, Blogger Margo Carmichael said...

I just try not to be amazed at the things our awesome God does for His kids. That was perfect! My prayer is for the Holy Spirit to do His good work as Comforter in you, and He surely did it today.

Stacie's poem is just great, too.

Sending hugs and God's blessings~

At 12:14 AM, Anonymous Luanne said...

Thanks for the honesty on your post today. I love that you felt Kristy speaking to you through one of her blogs.

I loved how you said Dont tell me this is unspiritual.
I believeGod is in control and he knows what it is that will bring you the most peace. Feeling in touch with Kristy through her words is such a blessing. I'm happy for whatever happiness God can send you.

At 2:48 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...



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