Saturday, August 30, 2008


Milton, here for Kristy:

There are many reasons why mourning and grieving are natural processes of life and death. Denying or suppressing it, or ignoring it or staying busy and camouflaging it are not Biblical or practical ways to face the death of a beloved. Deep love, sweet love, growing love, faithful love, passionate love, overcoming love is never glossed over and forgotten by a few smooth, strategic decisions. 
I know that my life must go forward and I know that by God's grace that I can go forward. Kristy certainly expressed her love for me in encouraging me to face the hurt, loss, loneliness, and 
separation with an awareness that God heals and helps soothe the pain. 

Kristy was never one to mull over disappointments. She didn't sulk or hold grudges. Life was too short and there was always too much to do than to be frozen with fears or damaged feelings. She was quick to the punch and fast to move ahead. All through the journey of life including her brain tumor illness, she had a plan. "What's the plan," she would ask us? Even when pain was clouding her thoughts, she wanted to get things done and move ahead.

That is a great way to walk through life. Today is a new day. I will not gloss over or cover up what has happened in losing my beloved, but I will go forward. There is much to do and much to accomplish. 

I will grieve and mourn her loss. Some of it has been very transparent and some of it will never be seen. It will work its way through my mind, emotions, spirit, and soul. We were so very close as partners in life and ministry. It isn't easy and it won't be easy, but I 
will go forward and celebrate our marriage, her life, and our common purposes.

When I was in New Bern, NC, I visited the Tryon Palace which was built for the first governor of the British Colony of North Carolina. It is an interesting and historic place with lots of stories popping out from every corner. Kristy would have seen love stories everywhere in this place. We visited the Palace together years ago with the four family ministry couples. I saw memories of our love in this place too.
One of the tragedies of the Tryon family was the untimely death of there daughter, Margaret, who died while attempting to elope with a footman. He was considered unfit for her to marry by her parents so she tried to climb out of her second story bedroom to secretly run off with him. She fell and died from being impaled on a fence below. This happened in England when she and her mother had left New Bern.

Another interesting place in New Bern is the soda fountain where the first Pepis was made. Kristy would have made sure we stopped in there for a refreshing drink on a hot and humid day like New Bern was experiencing during my visit.
She would have pulled out her note pad and pen and scribbled notes of what she saw and the story that would have been forming in her mind. I can see Kristy now outlining her new novel and excitedly sharing her new work with me. That is what made her so special. Life with Kristy was exciting with so many new dreams appearing everyday.

Tragedies are not uncommon in life. All of us deal with some kind of tragedy. The question is how will we face it.  Losing Kristy is the greatest tragedy by far I have faced, but I will mourn her and grieve over her loss and let God give me grace to go forward.



At 12:30 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Your declaration is a direct prayer to my heart's cry for you. Praise God for hearing and answering. Praise Him for his grace--that mysterious, beautiful, marvelous, miraculous, undeserving, unrelenting grace. Without it, we would all be lost.

God bless you, Milton. You are a man of God whose life will bear much fruit, both during this time of sorrow, and in the years to follow. None of us knows how long we will be here in this world, but you have a plan.

Kristy would be proud. I suspect she might know the path you're on. You asked her to find Jesus and to ask Him to strengthen you to complete what she and you began together. I believe you're on your way!

God bless you with continued strength and comfort to meet every bend in the road.

At 12:45 PM, Blogger Grammy/Grandpa said...

You are very wise to take the process slow and sure and allow all the feelings you will experience to have a special place in your heart.
August 28 was the 5th anniversary of the suicide of our 38 year old son. I can tell you that 5th year was much easier than the first one was.
Jesus will walk this journey with you and every day will be different than the day before.
from Texas

At 1:45 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Greetings Milton.....
Following your days..weeks.. and.. months.. has been a tremendous revelation to us as a ministry couple. We are learning so many "phases of life" as you deligently share your needs and your heart-felt emotions. Thanks for being so in touch with the Lord through this process..the scriptures are giving you the strength for each day!

You are teaching us to mourn.. grieve.. and to focus on very important details of our relationship. Kristy may have had alot of plans..and she did.. you may be going down a darkened road and on a 'free fall'...and we know that through all our prayers... you are right! God IS catching you!

Easy? No! Going forward? Yes! Happy? Not as much right now! But you are celebrating your love and your marriage and your sending Kristy home to be with the Lord! You are an awesome man of God...
Keep being transparent... grieve and mourn her loss (your words).
Thanks for sharing with friends.
God Bless and Keep you in the comfort of the Holy Spirit at work in you now and always.
Steve and Darlene
Columbia, SC

At 1:46 PM, Blogger DayleShockley said...

Milton, I was especially drawn to this portion of your post: Today is a new day. I will not gloss over or cover up what has happened in losing my beloved, but I will go forward. There is much to do and much to accomplish.

How true! Certainly, we must and should grieve over the loss of a loved one, but you have the right idea. Moving forward is the only way to get through it.

This post reminded me of the rich words penned by J. R. Miller about dealing with sorrow and loss: God has so ordered that in pressing on in duty we shall find the truest, richest comfort for ourselves. Sitting down to brood over our sorrows, the darkness deepens about us and creeps into our heart, and our strength changes to weakness. But, if we turn away from the gloom, and take up the tasks and duties to which God calls us, the light will come again, and we shall grow stronger.

You and your family remain in my prayers. By the way, I received the kindest note from Julie (on behalf of the Dykes family), acknowledging the flowers I sent to Kristy's services. She has a beautiful spirit.

At 4:29 PM, Blogger Ane Mulligan said...

As the others, I'm so glad to see you working through the process of grief, but I'm equally glad to see you celebrating the memories of Kristy. How blessed she was that you shared her enthusiasm for her stories.

I continue to hold you up before the Lord. I hope the girls are able to work through their grief as well.

Be blessed, Milton.

At 4:10 AM, Blogger Barbara J. Robinson said...

I still feel the loss of my mom and sister, and I understand exactly what you mean. At first, I tried keeping busy. I wrote out my heart and soul with sweet memories of them and that helped me the most.

You are visiting some really interesting places. God is blessing you even in the midist of your loss and pain. Keep moving forward.



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