HAPPILY INCOMPATIBLE

Did you know the Bible mentions the word happiness very few times? But it mentions the word joy a whole lot! Why? I believe it’s because happiness speaks to circumstances while joy speaks to a heart attitude.

So, what does that mean for marriage? For your marriage?

Milton and I do a teaching called "Seven Truths of Lasting Marriages." We tag-speak, him taking one point, me the next. He developed the outline, and his third point is…

"You can have a happy marriage, but not necessarily be happy all the time."

It's a very important point for a marriage. It's all about the happiness/joy issue.

Milton found a quote that said, "If you are happy 50 percent of the time, you are about average."

Recently, a reporter asked Dr. Billy Graham about his wife Ruth and their marriage. "We are happily incompatible," he said.

What he was saying, was, they are very different yet they choose to be happy, or, compatible.

Compatible, according to Webster's, means "capable of existing together in harmony."

And harmony has many meanings. Here are a couple…

1. internal calm

2. an interweaving of different accounts into a single narrative

Some couples achieve harmony with little effort. For others, it's a constant struggle. Yet it can be attained.

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Lord, grant us harmony in our marriages, a blending of our souls and lives so that we may serve and honor You. Amen.

CALLING IT QUITS?

You've had some good times in your marriage. But right now, it isn't going well. You're getting on each other's nerves like white on rice. That's a Southern term that means a lot. Things are strained, difficult, definitely un-joyful, even painful at times.

Have you ever found yourself in a fix like this in your marriage? Have you ever felt like giving up? Like saying, "What's the use?" Thinking, We're both Christians. How come our Christianity doesn't seem to be helping? Feeling like, Surely somebody out there would be nicer to me than my spouse is being right now.

Have you ever felt like tossing in the towel and calling it quits?

If so, tell us about it.

Or, if you didn't get quite that far, you were hurt or disillusioned. Tell us about an experience like that.

THE SMELL OF LOVE

The other day, I called Milton at his office and said, "You smell so good, and that turns me on."

He laughed. "I smell so good you can smell me this far away?"

"No, silly, I'm doing laundry and just smelled a shirt of yours hanging on a hook in your closet. It smells so good. Just wanted to tell you I love you."

"That's so sweet."

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Have you told your spouse you love him/her today?

TEN SYMPTOMS OF A PREADULTERY CONDITION

I'm pleased to announce an interview of me at the blog of author Lena Nelson Dooley. I'm honored Lena selected me as the subject for her Interview of the Week.
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Below, you'll find some interesting information. May we be true to our spouses, should be the cry of our hearts.

TEN SYMPTOMS OF A PREADULTERY CONDITION:

1. Sharing private matters with a person of the opposite sex before sharing them with your spouse.

2. Spending inordinate amounts of time with this person.

3. Finding more delight in being with this person than with your spouse.

4. Thinking this person understands you better than your spouse does.

5. Being unwilling to hear the warnings of others and stubbornly maintaining this platonic relationship.

6. Feeling youthful or high around this person.

7. Developing romantic feelings for this person that you try to transfer to your spouse.

8. Being defensive when you try to keep from admitting you are into something wrong. Instead, you accuse others of attacking you when they are really trying to warn you.

9. Looking for opportunities to be with this person, away from the scrutiny of others.

10. Finding reasons to avoid the wise counsel of friends while accepting the unwise counsel of fools.
---John Sanford in his book Why Some Christians Commit Adultery

APPLE COUNTRY

We've been in apple country in North Carolina for two days. That's why I didn't blog yesterday. Fuji apples. Golden Delicious. Granny Smith. All kinds. Plus touring Chimney Rock and hiking a trail to a waterfall. Beautiful. Then staying in a historic B&B in a quaint mountain town. We also toured the Carl Sandburg home. Sandburg was a poet, a novelist, and the biographer of Abraham Lincoln. He won two Pulitzer prizes.

We went with our good friends--my brother and his wife. The four of us love doing things together.

Thank You, God, for Your goodness on me.

NEVER LET IT END, PART 2

Yes, Lord, never let it end!
Yes, Lord, never let it end!

NEVER LET IT END!

Milton and I are blessed. We have marriage mentors in our parents. Milton's parents have been married almost 60 years, and my parents were married 67 years. If you don't have longevity of marriage in your family members, follow ours--a takeoff of what the Apostle Paul said, "Follow me as I follow Christ." Use them as an example. Or, use people you know with longevity in marriage, whether you've been married two months, or two years, or two decades, or whether this is your first marriage or your fourth.

The earnest prayer of my heart concerning my marriage is found in yet another of Ruth Bell (Mrs. Billy) Graham's prayer-poems, below. I hope this is the prayer of your heart, too, for your marriage.

When you first start reading it, you might be thinking, My marriage doesn't have "growing loveliness" and all of her other flowery words. I'll be the first to admit that marriage is hard. You put two people together with two entirely different personalities who've been raised two different ways, and you plop them down together in a house and say, "You're now married. Get along. For better or worse." And then you add in the mix of spouses with life-controlling problems and maybe anger and some stubbornness here or there and some insensitivity and maybe some harshness.

And I don't have any pat answers, except to advise two things: 1) read Christian marriage books to learn things about coping and compromising (isn't that what marriage is all about?); and 2) cry out to God to help you, comfort you, strengthen you.

And then, when you feel a snatch of "growing loveliness" every now and then, reach out and hug it to you, and let it sustain you in the hard times.

Oh, God, give me some more "growing loveliness" in my marriage. And when my husband looks at me, please let him see some "growing loveliness" in me. Please make/keep our love strong and vibrant and true--for one purpose only: to serve You and be a blessing to the people around us. In Jesus' name. Amen.

"Never Let It End"

By Ruth Bell (Mrs. Billy) Graham

Never let it end, God,
never--please--
all this growing loveliness,
all of these
brief moments of
fresh pleasure--
never let it end.

Let us always
be a little breathless
at love's beauty;
never let us
pause to reason
from a sense of duty;

never let us
stop to measure
just how much to give;
never let us
stoop to weigh love;
let us live--
and live!

Please, God,
let our hearts kneel always,
Love their only master,
knowing the warm impulsiveness
of shattered alabaster;
I know You can see things
the way a new bride sees,
so
never let it end, God,
never—please.

LET HER BE LIKE THEE

Our daughter Julie, was cuddling her little boy. "Mom," she said, "you need to write a prayer-poem like Mrs. Graham's--for boys to pray. Every girl needs Mrs. Graham's poem, and every boy needs your poem."

Inspired by my daughter's request, as well as Mrs. Ruth Bell (Mrs. Billy) Graham's prayer-poem, "Let Him Be Like Thee," I wrote..."Let her Be Like Thee."


"Let Her Be Like Thee"

By Kristy Dykes

“Dear God,” I prayed, all resolute,
(As men are prone to be,)
“Don’t give me just a pretty mate,
But let her be like Thee.

“I don’t desire a flawless face
Nor body sculpted so,
Nor do I pray for wealth or fame
Or lofty goals in tow.

“Dear God, please let her heart be pure,
And let her faith be strong,
Her ear attuned to Your own voice
A girl who shuns the wrong.

“A girl who tries to do what’s right
Who seeks Your face each day,
A girl who lives to do Your will,
In marriage, wants Your say.

“And when I find her, as I will,
Her heart in tune with mine,
I’ll know she is Your choice for me,
Immortal love, divine!”

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The earnest prayer of my heart concerning mine and Milton's love is found in yet another of Ruth Bell Graham's prayer-poems...

AND SO HE CAME...

From Ruth and Billy Graham's love story, fast-forward a few decades...

Another starry-eyed young woman longed to meet her knight in shining armor, the mate whom God had chosen for her. Her name was Kristy…

One day, she came across Ruth Bell Graham's prayer-poem, "Let Him Be Like Thee," and was enthralled. Why, here were her same sentiments. These words became the earnest prayer of her heart. With childlike faith, she believed God would send "His" man into her life.

Then Kristy went off to Bible college and met a handsome young preacher named Milton Dykes, and they fell in love. Kristy was ecstatic. God had answered her prayer. She penned these words:

"And so he came, dear Lord, one day
And set my heart aglow,
I knew he was the one I prayed for
On that day, so long ago.

"I prayed so modestly, dear Lord
And didn't ask for much,
But You knew all along, dear Lord
And used Your heavenly touch.

"He's as handsome as a picture
With hair as black as coal,
And eyes that always understand
Revealing his compassionate soul.

"He is so very tall and strong
But that's not all, dear Lord,
His heart is full of tenderness,
That only love affords.

"I've met the one You chose for me
My heart is filled with mirth,
I thank You Lord, so very much
For heaven here on earth."

Soon, wedding bells rang. At their wedding, Kristy quoted Ruth Bell Graham's prayer-poem, "Let Him Be Like Thee," as well as the words she had penned, "And So He Came."The wedding guests were deeply moved.

Now, this internationally-unknown couple (wink) has been married many years. Their love has been enduring, strong, and true. Oh, there've been tensions—as Kristy will readily attest—but there's tenderness too. Like Ruth and Billy Graham's love, theirs, too, is based on solid, uncompromising commitment—first to Jesus Christ, second to the institution of marriage (Kristy loves to quote Ruth Bell Graham: "Divorce never, murder maybe"), and then commitment to each other.

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Fast forward to several years ago. "Mom," said Julie, Kristy and Milton's daughter, "you need to..."

WICKED MAN?

My ISP has been down for hours. See you tomorrow!

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"I wouldn't want a man who was really wicked.

But I think I'd like it if he could be wicked, and wouldn't."

----Anne of Anne of Green Gables

LET HIM BE LIKE THEE

Many years ago, a starry-eyed young woman longed to meet her knight in shining armor, the mate whom God had chosen for her. Her name was Ruth, and as she expressed the cry of her heart, she penned the words to a prayer-poem, “Let Him Be Like Thee":

“Dear God,” I prayed, all unafraid,
(As girls are apt to be,)
“I do not want a handsome man,
But let him be like Thee.

“I do not need one big and strong
Nor one so very tall
Nor need he be some genius
Or wealthy, Lord, at all.

“But let his head be high, dear God,
And let his eye be clear,
His shoulders straight, whate’er his state,
Whate’er his earthly sphere.

“And let his face have character
A ruggedness of soul
And let his whole life show, dear God,
A singleness of goal.

“And when he comes, as he will come
With quiet eyes aglow,
I’ll understand that he’s the man
I prayed for long ago.”

Oh, the earnestness that was in this young woman's heart! With childlike faith, she believed God would send "His" man into her life. Then Ruth went off to Bible college and met a handsome young preacher named Billy Graham, and they fell in love. Ruth was ecstatic. God had answered her prayer!

She penned these words to Billy:

"It was so very good of God
To let my dreams come true,
To note a young girl's cherished hopes,
Then lead her right to you;

So good of Him to take such care
In little, detailed parts
(He knows how much details mean
To young and wishful hearts);

So good of Him to let you be
Tall and slender, too,
With waving hair more blond than brown
And eyes of steel blue.

Soon, wedding bells rang for Ruth and Billy Graham in 1943, and now, this internationally-known couple has been married 63 years. Their love has been enduring, strong, and true. There have been tensions—as Ruth will readily attest—but there was tenderness too.

"My parents' love for one another was deeper than just the look in their eyes each time they came into the room," says their daughter Gigi Graham Tchividjian in Never Let It End…Poems of A Lifelong Love. "Their love was based on more than their physical and emotional attraction. It was based on solid, uncompromising commitment—first to Jesus Christ, second to the institution of marriage (Mother has teasingly said, 'Divorce never, murder maybe'), and then commitment to each other."

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Fast-forward decades. Another starry-eyed young woman longed to meet her knight in shining armor, the mate whom God had chosen for her. Her name was Kristy…

GRANDBOYS AND GOLIATHS

These are the grandboys to whom I told the story of David and Goliath, using the car ceiling as my flannel board. Alexander, 7, is on the left, and Nicholas, 4 is looking over his shoulder. They're playing with an electronic toy. Aren't they just the grandest?

We're going to see them this afternoon, so we can watch them play in their peewee soccer games tomorrow morning. Yippee! You should see them running across the field. They are like streaks of lightning.

Then, it'll be a quick trip back home (3 1/2 hours) so we can attend a youth concert our youth group is hosting at our church Saturday night. I need to remember to bring ear plugs! We went in Refuge Hall today, and...there are no chairs! Our youth leader said that's how youth concerts are. They stand or dance. Should be interesting!

Another song I like to sing with our grandboys is Only A Boy Named David, Only A Little Sling (besides We're Going to the Zoo, Zoo, Zoo, How About You, You, You?). I blogged about David and Goliath on Wednesday and how we need to fight the Goliaths in our lives, the obstacles facing us, so we can triumph over them.

I have a Goliath in my life right now. I'm wondering how something's going to be accomplished that desperately needs accomplishing. I know the Lord is able. I'm confident of that. I have child-like faith. But there are so many factors, so many variables, and they make me quiver.

You know what? I'm just going to give it to the Lord. My study Bible says David tiumphed over Goliath because:

1) He had a heart for God. Check. So do I.

2) He had a zealous concern for the reputation of the Lord. He recognized that Goliath wasn't just defying the Israelite army; he was defying the Lord Almighty. Check. So do I, although I was just reminded that this "thing" isn't just coming against God's people, but God himself! Therefore, I'm on the warpath even more so.

3) He remembered previous victories which strengthened him. Check. I'm doing that right now.

4) He trusted not in himself but in God. Check. Me too.

5) The Spirit of the Lord came upon him in P - O - W - E - R! Check. I'm feeling doodads dancing up my spine!

Give me a P!

Give me an O!

Give me a W!

Give me an E!

Give me an R!

What do we have?

Power! Power! Power!

There is power, power, wonder-working power,
In the blood,
Of the Lamb.
There is power, power, wonder-working power,
In the precious blood of the Lamb!

Remember this version?

There is power, power, power, power, wonder-working power, (double "powers")
In the blood,
Of the Lamb.
There is power, power, power, power, wonder-working power,
In the precious blood of the Lamb!

The study notes in my Bible continue with, "Whenever God's children face seemingly insurmountable problems and situations, those giants can be overcome if we exercise faith like David and depend on the power of the Holy Spirit (see Ephesians 3:20 and Philippians 4:13)."

Amen and amen!

I believe it.

And that settles it!

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A new movie is hitting theaters today. It's called One Night with the King and is based on a novel by evangelist Tommy Tenney and author Mark Andrew Olsen. We rarely go to movies, but we're hoping to go see this one. It's the story of Queen Esther of the Old Testament. You can find out more about it at this site, www.x8.com. I think you have to choose a password, but don't worry if you choose to do so. I did, and it's okay.

I was watching Christian TV last night, and Joyce Meyer had just come out of the premier of One Night with the King, and she was asked what was the takeaway for her. "It's the story of a person who faced an insurmountable problem, and it looked hopeless, but she overcame it with the help of the Lord."

Bingo!

A LOVE STORY IN PUERTO RICO

Aren't grands grand? In the top picture are Claudia and Lorenzo with their father, our son-in-law, in Puerto Rico, where they live.

I'm going to see them in November.

Yippee!

In the pic to the left, Claudia and Lorenzo are playing with their doggie Gia, the world's sweetest dog. Lorenzo is not quite 11 months old and will be a year old in November (I'll get to be at his birthday party!). Claudia is 2. Can't wait to get some of that good ol' neck sugar from both of them.

Milton and I frequently talk on the phone with Claudia. She says, "Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water, Jack fell down and broke his crown, and Jill came tumbling after." Or, "Ashes, ashes, we all fall down." Or, she sings Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star. She tells us what she's doing, what toy she's playing with, or where they're going.

The pic on the right shows Claudia riding her little tyke bike. Her cousin is behind her. Behind them, the brilliant section of aqua through the iron fence is the Caribbean Ocean.

Jennifer met a young man in college who was born in Puerto Rico. When they fell in love, a good job offer came open at a bank in San Juan, and they married and moved down there. Sniff, sniff. But through frequent trips and near-daily phone calls, we stay close.

When Jennifer went to Spanish-speaking Puerto Rico, I knew what a barrier the language would be for her in many ways, including getting churched. Since we have nearly 30 ministers and wives in our family, it was important to us that she keep her faith. I said, "Jennifer, when the women went out West in covered wagons, there were no churches out there, yet they had their Bibles and kept their faith. I'm expecting you to do the same thing." This past March, Jennifer experienced a renewal of her faith in a most unusual way (she now blogs about it), and, she found a church! Wonder of wonders, she's now TEACHING the women's Bible study! Isn't that just like God? Her faith has grown by leaps and bounds.

And she's taking her little ones to church and nurturing them in the admonition of the Lord.

Jennifer...

...a mommy who loves Jesus and serves and works for him...

...a mommy, who because of her love for the Lord, has a greater capacity to love her children, and, can call on Him to give her wisdom...

...a wife who, because Jesus lives in her heart, has a greater capacity to love her husband...and boy, does she ever! Treats him like a king. Builds him up. Encourages him. Loves on him.

It's a Christian love story.

In Puerto Rico.

I'M GONNA' WHIP YO' BUTT!

We all know the story of David and Goliath. It's intriguing. The giant Goliath, a Philistine, issued this challenge to the Israelites: send one man out to fight me. Whoever wins between us is the winner of the battle. The losing army will become the slaves of the other army.

My husband Milton preached on David and Goliath Sunday. He talked about the Goliaths in our lives and how we can conquer them with God's help, just as David slew Goliath.

Incidentally, the Bible says Goliath was about 9 1/2 feet tall. That's over two feet taller than basketball star Shaquille O'Neal. Wikipedia.org says perhaps Goliath had a disorder that made him so tall. Maybe so.

A few weeks ago, we kept our grandboys for a few days and were taking them home--several hours in the car. They're active little boys, so I tried to occupy them while Milton drove. A DVD player. Coloring books. Stories. Songs with accompaniment via CDs. If I sang "We're Going to the Zoo, Zoo, Zoo, How About You? You? You?" once, I sang it 50 times.

"One more time, Nana," they begged.

And it was a catchy tune.

Then I pulled out the story of David and Goliath. I had flannel board figures, and one look at the headliner of the car (ceiling), and I knew I'd found my flannel board.

"David whipped Goliath's butt, didn't he, Nana?" the first-grader asked.

I laughed. That gave me an idea.

I pressed David and his sheep to the ceiling.

They oohed and ahed.

I proceeded to tell them the story complete with voice intonations, pauses, and exuberance.

I pressed David and King Saul to the ceiling. I told them David went to see King Saul and said...

Pause.

"I'm gonna' whip Goliath's butt!"

The boys giggled uproariously.

I proceeded through the story, using that line to maximum effect over and over, the boys laughing like hyenas. I'd never seen them laugh so hard. They were writhing in their seats with laughter.

I kept pressing flannel board figures to the ceiling. More sheep. David in armor. David out of armor. The armies. The hillside. David and his sling. David gathering stones, all the while inserting that line.

David and Goliath facing each other.

"You come to me with a sword and a spear," David shouted up at Goliath, "but I come to you in the name of the Lord..."

Pause.

"And I'm gonna' whip yo' butt."

The boys died laughing.

I kept it up.

Even Milton was laughing uproariously, his shoulders shaking.

"Did you hear me, Goliath?" David yelled. "I'm gonna' whip yo' butt!"

When Milton was preaching last Sunday, I kept thinking, wouldn't it be funny if he used that line in his sermon? Not! May I add here, I'm a genteel Southern lady and have never used that term or line, but it seemed appropriate that day with the boys.

But I'd like to use it here.

For this reason:

Somebody reading this is under attack by the enemy of your soul. Maybe it's in your finances. Maybe it's your children, little kids or grownups. Maybe it's a conflict with your spouse. Maybe it's about your career.

I want you to get a mental picture.

Your Goliath is looming tall in front of you.

You're quivering, wondering what you're going to do.

Perhaps you're discouraged, depressed.

I want you to literally shake your fist in your Goliath's face and say...

"I come to you in the name of the Lord!"

"And..."

Pause.

"I'm gonna' whip yo' butt!"

Then literally twirl your slingshot around your head, and picture a stone hitting your Goliath.

He's now on the ground.

Defeated.

Now say, "Thank You, Lord." God has done the work!

Now live in that victory. Go forth encouraged!

CELEBRATING WITH A CONVERTIBLE CADILLAC

Good friends of ours own a classic '68 Sedan de Ville convertible Cadillac, and for Milton's birthday, they suggested a surprise birthday party for him. A carload of guys would pick up Milton in the Cadillac, their wives (me included) would get to the 50s restaurant at the beach before they arrived, and some other couples would join us as well.

It turned out to be a fun evening. Bill's in the driver's seat in the Caddy, to your left, after we finished eating, putting the top back down so Milton could drive me it. It's been a long time since I've been in a convertible, so it was a treat. With 50s music blaring (well, not really; we were kind to cars beside us) from the newly-installed CD player, we cruised down the highway to one of the couple's houses where we had luscious homemade cake, ice cream, and coffee.

It was a great birthday. There was lots of love and laughter and friendship. A Christian love story.

P.S. I'm learning how to post pictures. I meant for the cake picture to be here.

BOOK OF THE YEAR CONTEST

Two weeks ago, I learned that I'd won Third Place in a national contest, the 2006 Book of the Year Contest, novella category, awarded by American Christian Fiction Writers. I was, as you can imagine, thrilled!

The award is for my novella, "Reunited," in Wedded Bliss? The four coauthors are: Susan K. Downs, Kristy Dykes, Sally Laity, and Carrie Turansky. Kudos to my coauthors for a fabulous job. All of the novellas are delightful. Wedded Bliss? can be purchased at christianbook.com or amazon.com.

The blurb of "Reunited" in the front of Wedded Bliss? reads: After 24 years of marriage, Felicia Higgins asks her husband Jake to move out to give her time to think about their future. Afer all, he doesn't have a clue about bringing happiness to her romantic soul. At first, Jake is incensed. Why can't Felicia be happy? He's a good Christian man. What more could she want or need? Both discover some surprising things about each other--and marriage--in their journey to a second chance at love."

All of my fiction is based on scripture, and this one is, "Let us run with endurance the race that God has set before us...Don't become weary and give up" (Hebrews 12:1,3, New Living Translation).

I've had some wonderful letters from readers. Here's one:

"Your story, 'Reunited,' in Wedded Bliss? is absolutely beautiful! I love your use of Hebrews 12:1,3: run the race, and don't give up—a wonderfully clear message that people can apply to many areas of life. Many will linger over these words for their marriages, as well as other issues in their lives. 'Reunited' is a true-to-life story and shows how couples can drift apart if they do not keep their eyes on Jesus. I like the way Felicia and Jake finally realized they needed help and weren't ashamed to seek it, and how they both realized the mistakes they made and were willing and anxious to amend those actions. Congratulations on this great story!"

One of the contest judges wrote on the judging sheet: "This novella wove the faith into the fabric of the story in a wonderfully real way. It never felt preacher, yet was real. I almost started taking notes on things I can do in my marriage. Very well done!"

I'm honored to have placed in this contest.

Thank You, Lord, for Your blessings on me.

BETTY AND BOOP...TO SHOW OR NOT TO SHOW?

I've had some interesting comments on our subject, showing cleavage, this week. Thanks, all. I laughed the hardest at #4, below. She calls her…well…what we've been talking about this week…Betty and Boop. Hilarious!

Here are some of the comments:

1) I believe a Christian woman should not be a source of temptation. Tolive for the glory of Christ, we have to respect others as much as werespect ourselves. For me, not respecting others but forcing my body uponthem is a sign that I don't have self-respect either. There are just nogray areas. I'm not saying we should dress like nuns, but we have tohonor Christ in the way we dress. My husband adores my boobs and that's enough for me. It's his, and only his!

2) As a 27-year old woman, sometimes I am ashamed by the way women dress. I continue to pray for the men in our society who have to deal with the constant parade of flesh in the name of fashion.I am now considered one of the most fashionable people in my circle, but I also know that God is pleased with the way I dress.Showing all your "charms" has become commonplace, and sadly I see it in the church. As Christians, we must continue to pray that this practice will be removed from the church and removed from the hearts of Christians.

3) I feel like shouting "AMEN" to your blog today! Let's avoid the "butt in the blouse" and save that for our husbands!

4) I just saw yesterday's blog! "I'm Tired of Boobs…Seeing Them, That Is." I'm tired of them, too. I am 29. Some of the ladies in my singles group wear guestionable clothing, and it sours my stomach. I am glad the posts yesterday mentioned WHEN we should show Betty and Boop. (And since I am single, they don't get out much/ever.) I also love the movie quote. It really causes a person to pause and reflect on how much we leave to give our husbands.

5) I'll jump right in. How much cleavage should a Christian woman show? Very little if any. None would be appropriate. In public. At home, in her bedroom with her husband? Different answer.Let me say that I'm not of the mindset that we should throw ashes on our face and wear sackcloth. There are many stunning women in the body of Christ, and they shouldn't hide that. But neither should they flaunt body parts on display for all the world to see.There are so many choices in fashion today that we don't have to dress in tents with no shape or style. We do, however, have an obligation--in my opinion--to present ourselves in such a way that we don't invite untoward attention, generate unnecessary controversy, confuse our young people with contradictory messages, and most of all distract from the love of Christ that should get more attention from others than our boobs.I know I sound really old-fashioned--I'm only 43--but I really believe this. In some areas, old-fashioned is not bad. In others? I wear shorts, sleeveless blouses and dresses, and makeup. I'm sure others might argue as vehemently against these.In the end, we have to ask is it worth it? Is the action we choose so much of a distraction that our Christ-walk is tarnished in some way?

6) I get so annoyed at the styles of clothing nowadays that make it hard for me to find a blouse that DOESN'T show my cleavage! I have to rule out most articles of clothing because of the neckline. (I'm the opposite of flat-chested, okay?) But I wish everyone was as careful as I am.
However, AS CAREFUL AS I AM, I occasionally have an uh-oh moment--like when my 4-year-old pulls on my shirt, or I lean over to tie her shoe and then catch someone staring. So embarrassing! Frankly, I can't imagine WANTING to show cleavage or doing it ON PURPOSE. But I see it all the time.

7) This is not exactly about cleavage, but I believe married women should wear beautiful lingerie—undies and nightwear. Even unmarried women should. It makes one feel so feminine. I've always encouraged my daughter to wear pretty undies. Guess it hasn't hurt because she has a solid marriage and is pregnant with her second child. Even if husbands don't always "get it", maybe because they've always seen their wives in pretty underthings, most will notice a new thing. The comment may be a simple "Is that new?" But, at least he's noticed, and I think he knows you bought it to please him. But, if you really want to make your point, wear an old tattered T-shirt to bed some night. Hehe.

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Anybody else care to comment or add anything?

A LITTLE HELP, LADIES! BY MY HUSBAND MILTON

Kristy and I have enjoyed a wonderful marriage for many years. She is a model in so many ways to share on the subject of modesty. Kristy is not a prude and has always been very stylish in dress. I admire her commitment to honor God and help others in this area.

Now, my thoughts…

Women don't understand what the visual view of a woman's body does to a man. They may think they understand, but they don't. Men are visual and the devil and his crowd understand this. That is what all of this unhealthy display of boobs is all about. It is about dishonoring God and the glory of a woman, and in the process tempting young boys, teenagers, and men.

It is to the point that almost everywhere you go, a man has to continually direct his eyes off of women who aren’t dressed properly--that is, unless he wants to keep looking. I believe men have a duty to guard against lust and make it a point keep their gaze and thoughts pure. Having said that my question is, Why would a pure woman desire to tempt a man to be impure? I guess the answer is simple. Either they like tempting men, or they want to be “stylish” and don’t care what it does to others.

Pornography is a multi-billion dollar business, but pardon my bluntness, a man doesn’t have to go to the porno sites to gratify his lusts. Too often he just has to look around the crowd. Now mind you, I’m not looking, but others are. That is just the way men are built. It takes a godly man—or a dead man—to do otherwise.

While I grew up in a strict background, I certainly do not desire my wife to look dowdy, plain, or out of date. Certainly a woman can honor God in her dress and appearance and not display her charms (as Kristy says) in a silly or sensual way. What is there to gain by sensual dress? Why be a part of tempting or providing lustful gratification?

Finally, the Christian world is all caught up in “successful living.” That’s okay with me, but we might include in the success formula that success also means not fouling up morally.

Ladies, we men, who are men of God, are not necessarily men of steel. A little help is appreciated.

A RING IN A PIG'S SNOUT

When Queen Elizabeth II of Great Britain was a little girl, her mother forbid her to do something she wanted to do. “I’m a princess, and I’ll do what I like,” she spouted angrily.

Her father, King George VI, overheard her. “My dear Elizabeth,” he said, “you are a princess, and that’s why all of your life you will never be able to do as you like. The Royal Family’s lives belong not to themselves but to the sovereign nation of England.”

Likewise, our lives as believers are not our own. We are the Lord’s, to do with as He sees fit. And that’s precisely why we must do His bidding. “For you were bought at a price; therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God’s (1 Corinthians 6:20, NKJV).

The writer of Proverbs says strength and honor should be our clothing.

The Apostle Paul admonishes us to wear modest apparel (1Timothy 2:9, NKJV). The NIV of that verse says we should “dress modestly.”

Let's face it. Women advertise what they're marketing by what they're wearing.

We all have the same equipment. You and I could dress like the celebrities who show off their equipment. But we choose not to because we are different, as the Apostle Paul said. “You are bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body (Romans 6:20, NIV).

If you happen to have a body to die for, and you’re tempted to dress in a sensual way, think of a pig and maybe that will deter you! And, whenever you see a woman who's baring her bustline or backside, think of a pig. Why? That's what Solomon, one of the wisest men who ever lived, did. He said, “Like a gold ring in a pig’s snout is a beautiful woman who shows no discretion” (Proverbs 11:22, NIV).

Wow, that verse needs repeating.

“Like a gold ring in a pig’s snout is a beautiful woman who shows no discretion” (Proverbs 11:22, NIV).

More to come…

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By commenting on my blog or emailing me (click on Email Kristy in the "Links" column to the right), you are eligible to win a Christian love story (novel). The next giveaway novel is Robin Lee Hatcher's newly-released A Carol for Christmas.

WHERE CAN WE DISPLAY OUR "CHARMS"?

Yesterday, I asked,"How much cleavage do you think a Christian woman should show?" You gave some interesting comments (click on "Comments" under yesterday's post).

There is a place to display our “charms” or whatever you want to call it. We can display our charms…

…for our own husbands in privacy.

A few years ago, I saw a Hallmark movie about a woman reporter who spent some time in an Amish household.

I loved the movie so much, my brother bought it for me for my birthday. Harvest of Fire, I think.

In the movie, the woman reporter came upon the young Amish wife as she brushed her long, shiny hair, then pinned it up and put on her stark white cap.

“Oh, your hair is so beautiful,” the reporter exclaimed. “It’s so thick and luxuriant. Why do you Amish women always cover your hair? Why don’t you wear it down?”

With eyes sparkling, the Amish woman said, “Oh, we do. But for our husbands alone. It’s something we take joy in--giving our husbands the pleasure of seeing what no other man can see.”

The reporter sat there, so touched and so deeply moved, she was unable to utter a word.

I’ve often reflected on that statement. “It’s something we take joy in,” the Amish woman said, “giving our husbands the pleasure of seeing what no other man can see.”

Unlike Amish women, we don’t hide our hair from other men’s eyes. But we should dress modestly and hide body parts that are meant to be covered and for our husband’s eyes only.

More to come…maybe even hearing from my husband Milton on this subject?

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By commenting on my blog or emailing me (click on Email Kristy in the "Links" column to the right), you are eligible to win a Christian love story (novel). The next giveaway novel is Robin Lee Hatcher's newly-released A Carol for Christmas.

I'M TIRED OF BOOBS!

I'm tired of boobs!

Seeing them, that is!

We're seeing them everywhere, from movie stars to the average woman at the mall, from Oprah to cooking show hosts—boobs are on display for all to see. Thank you, Rachel Ray, for not following the crowd. I don't think I could stand seeing your cleavage as you chop strawberries and saute chicken breasts.

The other day, I was trying to find a kids' program for my two little grandsons. I was flipping furiously. Disney. Nick. TV Land. It was on one of those channels that "she" surfaced. Or maybe it was a network channel. Anyway, on a kids' puppet program, the woman host who stood beside the puppet stage was showing so much cleavage, it reminded me of a joke:

A kid sees a woman with a plunging neckline at the mall and exclaims, "Mommy, that lady's got a butt in her blouse!"

This woman was on a kids' program, for crying out loud!

I'm going to be covering some topics in the upcoming days on my blog that might be sticky. They stem from topics I've spoken on many times to women's groups. My purpose in writing these posts is only to glorify God and obey what He told me to write about weeks ago. I've been putting it off, but through some circumstances and some friends' encouragement, I felt this was the time to do it.

How much cleavage do you think a Christian woman should show? What's your opinion of this subject?

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By commenting on my blog or emailing me (click on Email Kristy in the "Links" column to the right), you are eligible to win a Christian love story (novel). The next giveaway novel is Robin Lee Hatcher's newly-released A Carol for Christmas.