Thursday, September 04, 2008


Milton, here for Kristy:

Wednesday morning I woke up for the first time in our home since leaving for a month sabbatical. I had actually dreaded returning home and wasn't sure how I would feel being at home again. 

The stack of mail was high with comforting cards from across the Nation. The stack of bills wasn't too high, but there were all kinds of junk mail and all of Kristy's magazines. I spent a couple hours going through it all and made a list of things that needed immediate attention.

Finally I was off to bed and had all kinds of mixed emotions. Kristy went to heaven from  our bedroom. I held her hand and kissed her goodbye and released her into the arms of our Lord there. Tuesday night, I slept on her side of the bed in the bed where she slept. I know this is probably as hard to read as it is hard to write, but there is the silver lining of a very tough situation.

God's grace released comfort into my heart. When I woke up I truly felt peace. I didn't feel the agony I thought I would. There was a sweetness that filled our bedroom. I didn't feel alone.

I returned to work at church and then ran a number of errands. One stop was at the funeral home to pick up her death certificate. That is surreal errand to have to do. That still doesn't feel right. It is unbelievable, but it is real life.

God helped me and He is going to help me. 

At church Wednesday night for my first time back in almost two months, I looked at the spot in the church where she sat. Why? Why isn't she there? I know the answer, but  I still feel those thoughts and questions. As the service progressed and we sang worship choruses, I felt God's grace come down and touch me again. He is our helper. He is my helper.

I told the church that I was ready to preach this Sunday and looked forward to continuing sharing the Gospel of Jesus Christ. God will help me and His grace will see me through.

The hurt of her loss is sinking in, but the grace of God has touched me.


At 10:31 AM, Blogger Karen Eve said...

God's grace always amazes me and I know he will comfort you as you return to the life he has called you to. This morning I was talking with the receptionist at one of my client's. She lost her husband suddenly about 4 weeks ago and has a new granddaughter coming in the next couple of weeks. She was talking about how bittersweet it is, the sweetness of a new life but without her husband here to share it. They expected to see many grandchildren and perhaps great grandchildren together, since he was only 47. But she finds comfort in the daily things. I don't know if she's a believer, I expect she is, but I'll talk more to her in the weeks to come. I am not sure at all why I felt led to share this, but I do remember when my dad died, how I couldn't believe that the world just kept on going, people were driving to work and going about their business and didn't know that the world had ended. Then I realized, that it was just the ebb and flow of life in this world. I was 19 at the time. I'm so greatful that I knew I would see him again some day, as I have known about all the other family members I have lost in the intervening years. One more time, how do people do it who don't have our Lord. It's hard enough with Him. I just can't imagine.
You are doing great - and modeling it so well for the rest of us, especially other men. We women benefit too of course. Thank you Milton for continuing to share this journey and blessings to you and your family.

At 12:20 PM, Blogger Carrie Turansky said...

Keep pouring out the grace, Lord. Glad to hear He is carrying you through.

Praying for you in NJ,

At 1:29 PM, Anonymous DayleShockley said...

What an uplifting post, Milton. Even in the midst of sorrow, you're covered by the peace that comes from knowing Jesus Christ on a personal level. He will never leave you. Ever.

A bit of good news for you. I know you say you can't cook, but cooking isn't hard. If you can read a recipe, you can cook. Start small, and remember the microwave can bake a great potato in about six minutes... just don't forget to poke it with little holes beforehand. ;) And in your spare time, turn on the Food Network channel. It just might inspire you.

Praying for you and your family.

At 3:34 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Your going to be OK, Milton; God will help you!

I thank Him for His matchless Grace that meets us where we are - and takes us to where will go.

Kate & Ed

At 4:17 PM, Blogger Kim said...

What a mighty testimony to God's grace and mercy in difficult times! Thank you for this encouragement!!!


At 6:56 PM, Blogger Shana said...

i continue to be blessed by your posts, and by the fact that God is taking care of you. He is so faithful and good.

At 5:20 AM, Blogger Barbara J. Robinson said...

I'm glad to know God is touching you with His grace, the comforter He sends us all when we need Him. Once you've gotten through your first sermon in the church again, you'll be on the road to really moving forward. Kristy was fortunate to leave for heaven from your bedroom with you holding her hand. You were there for her until the very end of her life on earth. Till death do you part. In heaven, you'll meet again.

The hardest part is doing the little things that have to be done. Sounds like you've about taken care of that part.

God bless you and continue to lavish His loving grace upon you.


At 11:14 AM, Blogger Vicki said...

The bible tells us in Proverbs 18:10, The name of the LORD is a strong tower: the righteous run into it and are safe.

Milton, I believe the LORD has lifted you and brought into his strong tower, a place where although you may still know the saddness, you'll find and feel the peace of God to keep you as he has promise.

The human side of us says, this isn't fair, or it should have been me, but the holy spirit in us knows and gives us comfort of the will of the LORD and knowledge of his grace.

I know right now it may be hard to truly know what the future of your calling is without your soulmate at your side. But I also know, you have been called to all of the things placed within both yours and Kristy's heart.

We pray for you daily as this is the time for us to lift your arms in praise.

Much blessings.


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