Tuesday, September 09, 2008

A VERY LONG WALK

Milton, here for Kristy:

Sunday evening was my first time alone at my house since Kristy passed. My family has been supportive beyond human comprehension and have walked with me through this long journey. After Kristy passed, some of them have been here with me or I have been with them. They have not left me alone. 

But Sunday, mom and dad returned to their home and I was left at home alone. It was time to face the darkness and loss and they had helped me heal through the hurt so I could manage it without them.

I will admit that more tears flowed down my face as I walked through my house by myself on Sunday evening. I am not not a sissy or cry baby or a weakling. I just loved my beloved and miss her so much.

After a couple of hours I decided to go downtown and walk across the Acosta and Main Street Bridges.

I drove to the spot that Kristy and I had parked many times before when we would walk the river. Kristy loved Friendship Fountain and the beautiful St. Johns River. So I parked and off I walked to stroll around the river. The is the same spot we visited two days before her brain surgery where we shared our love and dreams and hopes and great concerns. I took a picture of her leaning against a lamp post. Now I took a picture at the same lamp post and there was no Kristy to add to the beauty of the river.

The bright blue Main Street Bridge is the same bridge that we crossed trying to escape honking horns and troublesome brother-in-laws on our get a way after our wedding. There are memories here that go back for 37 years.

Now I walked alone. In the past she would hold my hand and we would dream of books and trips and our grandchildren and children and so many other things. This time I was the only one dreaming and reflecting or wondering or questioning. How did I get here alone? I stopped at the top of the Acosta Bridge and took pictures of downtown and the Main Street Bridge. Kristy would have loved it.

The questions and hurts continue, but I am not alone. I am not the only one going through hurt like this. God will help me. This is a very long walk.

16 Comments:

At 9:28 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Still praying for you

Kevin & Tamatha Jones

 
At 9:36 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Milton, no one would ever think of you as sissy because you weep over the great loss of love. We cry with you.

 
At 11:03 AM, Blogger Robin Bayne said...

Praying for you on this long walk.

 
At 11:19 AM, Blogger lene said...

Milton,

You have lost your beloved. We know she is in Heaven but she is not besides you. She was your best friend, and your soulmate.

No one would think you are effeminate if you cry. We are praying for you on this long walk.

 
At 11:26 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Milton, my good friend, you are right that you are not alone. I and many others are beside you.
Love, Kathy

 
At 11:29 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Such lovely photographs, Milton. Thank you for sharing these and for including us in your journey, dear brother in Christ.

Even through your many tears, how comforting that you don't have to live in the land of regrets. You loved your beautiful Kristy, and she loved you. Recently I heard two different husbands lament over the loss of their wives, and how they wish they could go back and treat them with the love and respect they deserved. Too late. And their grief is much different than yours. They have very few precious memories. Now "being right" doesn't seem to matter much. Please continue to blog about your love story with Kristy. We're learning so much about what matters most in our short time here on earth.

Continued prayers for a courageous man of God, for Julie, Jennifer, and the grands.

 
At 12:05 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thanks Milton...
Sharing your adjustments is very good for you.
It certainly helps us pray more earnestly for your needs to be met.
Can't imagine...although...at times I try.

Thanks for your honesty as you process grief and being alone.
You are teaching us how to pray for you! ...and that is good!

We love you!
Steve and Darlene
West Columbia, South Carolina

 
At 12:12 PM, Blogger Cyndy Salzmann said...

Milton,

My heart breaks for you. Your post reminds me how precious the time is with my own beloved John.

I commit to praying for you as you take this walk and process your grief. Thank you for continuing to share.

 
At 12:25 PM, Blogger Carrie Turansky said...

Milton,
Glad you got out for a walk to such a beautiful spot. the pictures are wonderful.

Thank you for sharing so honestly about your feelings and journey. It reminds me again to treasure my husband. Today is our 30th anniversary. We will enjoy our time together.

I am praying for you,
Carrie in NJ

 
At 3:13 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Still praying for you.

Trk N 4 JC

 
At 4:59 PM, Anonymous Joe said...

Praying for you in Virginia.

 
At 7:51 PM, Blogger Blissful said...

Thinking of you.

 
At 9:15 PM, Blogger Karen Eve said...

Praying for you and your family.
Blessings,

 
At 10:05 PM, Blogger Loving Our Homeschool said...

You and your family continue to be in my prayers.
Heather

 
At 7:50 AM, Blogger Pam Meyers said...

Milton,
I have been absent from posting comments as I had a computer meltdown and now I, too, am adjusting to a new MacBook! Before I get caught up in very last minute preps for the ACFW Conference, I wanted to say that I haven't missed any of your posts. Each and everyone of them has been encouraging. You have ministered first to those who are caregivers to their loved ones and now, as you share your feelings and the strength you get from God, you are ministering to those who also grieve.

Your pictures today are beautiful. I've never been to Jacksonville, but I can tell it is a beautiful city. Thanks for sharing.

 
At 10:33 PM, Blogger Richard Mabry said...

Milton,
There will be meltdowns for no reason, tears for good reason, and emotions that seem to sit just beneath the top cell layer of your skin. Don't worry about it. It's normal, it's healing, and it's almost universal. Been there, done that, so I really do know how you feel.

I continue to pray for you and your family in your loss.

"Dr. Richard"

 

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