Friday, December 14, 2007

Tender Women and Tough Romance

Milton, here:

When Kristy was in the hospital and in the immediate, dangerous throws of recovery from uncertain brain surgery, I wrote a post to men entitled "Tough Men and Tender Romance." It poured from my heart to reach out to men who needed to understand the blessing of their spouse. Those words have even keener meaning to me now that Kristy is recovering from her surgery.

She was so terribly sick and God is graciously renewing her strength as we fight this illness. Our romance is reaching new and touching dimensions. She has been told this GBM tumor is terminal, but we choose to believe the report of the Lord for her healing. But, this circumstance has eternally touched our hearts and my love for her.

So what does a man who has been wounded and heart has been made tender have to say to women?

Your man may be a....

Big guy, little guy, young one or old, tough one or more tender, they're more the same than not. Your mate needs you to:

Be ready for him. Let your enthusiasm show for him. Get in his corner and root for him. Applaud him. Celebrate his successes. Stand with him when you aren't so sure of the future or of his ways. Find those unique ways to make him feel like he is the most important man in the world. Bear his crown and make him the king of your castle with that scepter, remote, in his hand.

He's listening to hear your support, your belief, your confidence in him. He's waiting, longing, and hoping; and he needs it no matter how tough he may appear.

When he sometimes fails, help him. Believe in him all over again. If you don't, who will?

Don’t be fooled by his manly manner—his muscle, his independence, his strong logical approach. Don't let his deep voice or brawny ways deceive you. He isn't nearly as tough, as strong, as sure of himself as you may think.

Focus on his highest desires from you: a warm, passionate lover; a good mother for his children; a good cook and homemaker. Be his friend and confidant. Pause, listen closely. Don't get frustrated when his word count never approaches an equal number as yours.

Support his cause and forgive his weaknesses--for what you sow you will reap.

Welcome him with a tender kiss. Don't get turned off by his quick desire for the physical. Refuse to withhold yourself from him over petty and hurtful differences. Open your heart, your charms, your unique womanly ways to him. In the rush of life, remember God created his desires for you—so don't miss your mission to minister to him. Save some energy for him and make time for him.

Men need helpers. God's Word says so. Regrettably, so sadly, we men with all our ego issues sometime have a problem with the help, but you are God's good gift to Him. He may not know it just yet, but pray for guidance and for wisdom to complete him and not repel him. Give him some time…some space…let the idea come to him…not pushed or forced upon him.

Pray quietly for him. Let your kindness win him. Love him and don't give up. Let God's love fill your heart for him. Support his dreams. Champion his causes. Be his cheerleader—his main cheerleader. Be willing to risk trusting his lead and commit it to the Lord with him.

You need love….he needs respect.

He may be tough…. but God can tender him.

You may be tender…. but don't be like some women and be tough, unapproachable, and hard with his kind of romance.

Enjoy the time, the moment, the opportunity….They're much shorter than you may think.

No man or marriage is perfect, but you must be a tender women with a ready heart for your man.

Kristy, here:

Milton wrote this a few moments ago and said, "Kristy, come in the study. I want to read my post to you." (I am writing well, but reading comes slower for me right now.) At paragraph #7, I believe, as I sat in a easy chair with him at the computer, I started crying. He turned around and looked at me tenderly and then started crying himself. For a couple of moments, we cried and cried, and he said, "Kristy, that's what you've done for me all these years."

Thank You, Lord, for this wonderful man.


At 5:26 PM, Blogger Julie Carobini said...

I read every word, Milton. Thank you for the reminders and even some of the new things you words brought to mind.

Praying for Kristy & you.

At 7:39 PM, Anonymous Carrie Turansky said...

Dear Milton and Kristy,
What wonderful words of wisdom. Thanks so much for sharing this with us. I know many people will be blessed by these challenging and encouraging thoughts. I am thinking of you this evening and praying for you too. God is using you to bless many.

Sending love and prayers,
Carrie T.

At 8:31 PM, Blogger Kristy Dykes said...

Thank you, Carrie, for your love. BTW, I received the wonderful gift basket, and was so touched and blessed. Haven't been able to send snail mail thank yous (my MO), but know that it is greatly appreciated. It said, "LOVE, LOVE, LOVE."

Love you, my friend.

At 8:34 PM, Blogger Kristy Dykes said...

I know this comment technically belongs under "The Valley of the Shadow of Death," but I decided to put it here. When I walked through that valley the other night (see posts), I sobbed and sobbed. Milton called his sister Norma and her husband Ron, pastors, and they ministered to me magnificently. The following day, I sent them an email. I wanted to share it with my readers:

Dear Ron and Norma, Last night, you brought life to my soul. I was wailing and sobbing, and Milton held me for a long time, telling me to let it pour out, but I couldn't quit. He grabbed the phone and called your parents and tried to get through for a long time. Thought they were in church. Milton' felt led of Holy Spirit to call ya'll, and it gave me a turnaround that I believe has given me new direction.

I had previously been so faith-filled and joyful, but last night, Satan plucked that ouf of my soul, and I walked through the valley of the shadow of death. As you both counseled with me, a sense of peace AND hope entered my soul, and then at least joy came. Every word you spoke was ordained of God. They changed my course of direction, and I can't thank you enough.

Love you both.

At 9:28 PM, Blogger THOMBU1 said...

AMEN! Praying for you both.

At 10:49 PM, Anonymous Ginny Griffin said...

The good thoughts and prayers from your 'church' and immediate family are being answered with mighty strength from Almighty God and Precious Jesus. For faith is a powerful tool all Christians have as a weapon to be used to defeat Satan's forces; thus as we all love and pray for you; please remember: The best tools are NOT found at Home Depot or Lowes' but in our hearts and prayers which are giving us the capacity to help you win the battle and the war as well.

At 11:03 PM, Blogger Carolynn said...

I have only come to this blog since after you have become sick, Kristy, linked by another's prayer requests. May God Bless you both, as well as your family. I honestly don't know what to say, because it is the two of you with your unshakable faith that would likely have to coach me. But if the world were only filled with the likes of you...what a different world it would be.

Again, God Bless.

At 1:45 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

when we are weak, He is strong.

'yes, Jesus loves you, yes, Jesus loves you, yes, Jesus loves you, the Bible tells me so."

sometimes we have to go to the child in us, to the very first pieces of what we learned about God.

Just as the Holy Spirit was left to be our comforter, when Jesus left the earth, so will he comfort you and your loved ones.

Jesus will never leave you, nor forsake you.

Jesus will never leave nor forsake your family either.

You will all be in his hands. Safe. Loved.


At 7:47 AM, Blogger Pam Meyers said...

Milton, your words to the women prompted my tears. The special man in my life just left for a two-day drive to Texas to have eye surgery and recuperate at his brother's. Being that we're single, of course some of your advice cannot be heeded :-), but much of it can. It was an encouragement to me to hang in there for him as he goes through some rough patches in his life. We're having snow here in Illinois and it's hard to think of him driving through the muck, but I'm praying for him mile upon mile.

Our earthly life is short and we can't take anything for granted. We need to cherish the special people in our lives and each day the Lord gives us.

Thank you for that reminder.

At 9:09 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dear Milton,

Thank you for taking the time to post Biblical advice to the women of God reading this blog. (I come back several times a day for spiritual food.) Kristy is a shining example of God's love. Her husband and children (extended family and friends) "arise and called Kristy blessed."

After you listed the characteristics of a godly wife, you were able to turn to your precious wife and say with all sincerity, "Kristy, that's what you've done for me all these years." Alleulia!!!

You and Kristy have inspired me to do strive to be my best.

Love & continued prayers,

At 10:28 AM, Blogger Kristy Dykes said...

Thank you, Milton, for this beautiful post. Readers, we aren't perfect. BUT WE ARE COMMITTED, in many ways, such as "Love covers a multitude of sins," a scripture we teach in our marriage seminars, meaning, "Overlook the bad, and concentrate on the good in your marriage." That philosophy will help you make it. Of course, if there are deep problems that you just can't work through, first, go get some help from a wise counselor. Find coping mechanisms. Find ways to deal with these conflicts. And you can say to him or her, "You will not talk to me like that in that tone of voice," yada, yada, yada. Some things in life are a matter of RETRAINING and REPROGRAMING!! Haha.

God is so good go me. He's given me the best husband in the world. When he gives you a handful of pills every day at various times and then checks them off your list, and when he washes your sweat-soaked sheets, and get the picture, he's truly a good man.

At 3:43 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Such an inspiring post, you two! Thanks.

Kind regards,

At 10:37 PM, Blogger Lelia Chealey said...

I just read this post. You 2 are really a beautiful couple. I am going to print this off & put it in places where I can read it daily. Thank you for blessing this wife who sometimes treats the man she's head over heels in love with like dirt. Thank you both so much.
Your sister in Christ~
Lelia from Nebraska


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