A HOLY, SACRED CONSOLATION

Milton, here for Kristy:

Suffering is not a pleasant topic. Who wants to suffer? Who has the answers as to why?

But Kristy suffered terribly Saturday. Just to move her slightly was painful even with all the meds in her. It is heart breaking to watch anyone suffer but especially a dear one.

This wonder of humor, this zealous optimistic enthusiast, this pursuer of wisdom and knowledge, this creative wiz, this organized genius, this detailed planner and farsighted task completer, this passionate composer of words, this woman of heart to bless others, this homemaker and kitchen delight, this designer and decorator with whimsy and excellence, this lover of family and friend and the one who is down, this kind and helpful soul, this teacher, mentor, speaker, this joy giver, this precious model and pattern to follow, this extra miler, this Christ seeker and God worshipper, the star of my life, my partner and my dearest friend, and my lover wilting in pain before my very eyes.

In September of 1995 I gave Kristy The Full Life Study Bible New International Version. We have used it together for morning devotions and Kristy has personal notes in it. I use it now for early devotions and as I read through it I occasionally see something she has underlined or put a sticky note to mark a personal interest or thought. Her handwriting and thoughts obviously have dear and intriguing interest for me.

Today I found a small pink sticky note at the bottom of the page in her hand writing and on it she had simply written "Ps. 94:19 NIV". That was all that she wrote. I looked up the page and found the verse. It reads:

"When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought joy to my soul." (Ps. 94:19)

I paused and meditated.

Anxiety great within her? Me? What about Questions? Fears? Uncertainty?

Yes I feel that, but I do have His consolation.

His consolation bears the fruit of joy. Unexplainable, unspeakable joy that comes even yet when there is sorrow, grief, and pain beyond words. God has brought consolation to Kristy's soul and to my soul. We know the truth of His Word. It is marked within our souls. It rises up with a shout of faith, "Our redeemer lives! There is promise! There is a hope! This is not the end! There is a Victor and A Mighty Conquerer! He is The Lord!"

Kristy has always had a high pain tolerance. She is not a weakling. She has shown unbelievable courage standing strong when the diagnosis and prognosis of this GBM brain tumor was given. Through brain surgery and recovery, then radiation, and pain, misery, grief and sorrow, she has kept her praise. She has proclaimed the goodness of the Lord.

An anonymous post reminded me of one of Kristy's writings from this past March:

Anonymous said...

On March 12 of this year, Kristy wrote an entry that ended with this:""Lord, the day I was diagnosed GBM stage 4 brain cancer, You dropped a cloud of peace over me, and it hasn't left, and just as You did that for me, I know You will do that for everyone involved in this journey. I have confidence in You, Lord. The same day You dropped that cloud of peace over me, You slid a large "chair" under me, and it has held me up ever since.

"Thank You, Lord, for Your blessings on me."

She has remained faithful throughout this trial, and what has blessed me most is her faith in God's plan. She doesn't know when or how he will heal her--here or in Heaven, but she knows that he will. Praise God for his presence and provision. Without Him, our hope tank would be running on empty.

***

But as I stood by her bed Saturday, her pain was becoming increasingly more severe. Every movement tore into her body. We gave her more medication but that didn't stop the pain of slight movement.

The Book of Job has never been a favorite preaching spot for me. I like the ending but everything before the last chapter requires some discipline for me to read. There is too much loss, sorrow, death, and questions in Job's writings to attract me.

But Job 6:2-3 leaps off the page, "If only my anguish could be weighed and all my misery be placed on the scales! It would surely outweigh the sand of the seas..." I understand those words better now but Kristy understands these words far more than me.

Anguish and misery tipping the scales and outweighing the sands of the seas on the other side of the balance. I know that feeling.

But then Job 6:10 comes to the forefront, "Then I would still have this consolation--my joy in unrelenting pain--that I have not denied the words of the Holy One."

Unrelenting pain!

Can there be joy in unrelenting pain?

Pain in every movement.

Pain of thoughts of separation.

Pain of warmth and closeness slipping away.

Pain of unfinished dreams.

Can there be joy?

Where is the consolation?

There is this consolation--we have not denied the words of the Holy One.

Our breaths reach and long for life beyond this world.