Friday, September 19, 2008


Milton, here for Kristy:

Leaving Puerto Rico was hard Thursday. We have left Jennifer and her little ones many times as we watched them drive away from the airport terminal and Kristy and I took our bags to be checked and get boarding passes.

There have been tears at that airport as we separated for months not sure when we would see each other again, but knowing that we would see each other. Those kiddies get my heart and their loving kisses melt the toughest papa. 

I told Jennifer I was here for her. I told her I could not replace her mom but that I was here for her and her sister Julie. It has always been that way. That have top priority access no matter what meeting I’m in or what my schedule is. Family comes first only second to God.

Jennifer was driving me to the airport and I was sitting in the passenger seat talking and then I saw it--The ring. I had been in San Juan for almost a week but for some reason I hadn't notice "The Ring" on Jennifer's right ring finger, but I saw it as we pulled into the airport.

It was the ring  that symbolized my deepest love. The ring Kristy wore for 37 years as my token to her of faithful love and my  commitment to love, honor, and cherish her. The ring that said you are mine and I am yours. Jennifer now wears the ring that Kristy wore with sweet, dear commitment. 

That ring said I love you more than any other. You are the focus of my eyes, my heart, my service, my passion and my pleasure. You are mine and I am yours.

I still wear my wedding ring. It is my vow to cherish, to honor, to provide, protect, to hold dear, to stand close with listening ear and passionate heart to my beloved. 

She kept her vow until death did part us. She never failed, wavered, withdrew, turned cold in heart, withheld her charms, turned me aside, ignored my desires, refused her sweetness. Never in 37 years did my beloved look to another for her passion, pleasure, or protection.

I was there for her and she was there for me. 

Looking at that ring revealed again the depth, the height, the broadness of our love. Our love story was rare. It had significant example. We were naive, pure, pollyanish, different than culture, stretching for a love beyond mere fleshly commitment. 

Now that ring is worn by our youngest. She looks at it with highest regard and respect. It means something that only 37 years of faithful love can reveal. It is a picture of our lives--a rare picture of two who were one--one flesh, one love, one passion, one purpose. We were one.

Where is my dear helper? My body, my spirit, my soul cries out, “Where are you? You are mine. I am yours. Where are you? Come to me. I need you.”

These cries are not premeditated. They just scream out of my being before I can control them. They are not cries of one who doesn’t believe, know, or grasp this separation. They are natural, unplanned, expressions of inner reflexes that are not willful, deliberate appeals. They are the subconscious body, soul, and spirit of a soul mate missing the dearest part of his being. “Where is she? Why doesn’t she come to me?” -- the deeper part of my being cries.

It will not happen in this life. I know what has happened. She is in heaven and I am here and we will be together again. But my flesh feels loss that should not be. ”How can this be right," my body, my spirit, my soul,  pleads?

She is gone. I am here. We will reunite, but this doesn’t feel natural.

This is the struggle of two hearts that beat as one for 37 years and are now torn apart and the heart that is left is broken and cannot find its rhythm.


At 12:04 AM, Blogger Kate said...

I know you hurt, dear Milton. Even better, Jesus, who took your hurt upon himself, knows, too. Praise be to the Sovereign God who gives us so much peace. Hang On!

At 12:05 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dear Milton,
Your expressions of lonliness and the severing of the "one" who completed you are heart wrenching.
But, even more than that -the "writer" in you is awe inspiring... I sense God's presence in every word that is written....He is truly your source, He is breathing the power of words into your very being. I can "see" it bubbling within you, the journalist nature that has become part of you, through this blog. I truly believe this tear-laced journey will become a book one day! It's so exciting to see what God is doing through you....Continue to let the words flow..deep from your innermost's of God, Milton. It's of God.

Caring and Praying......
(It's gonna' be okay...)

At 1:49 AM, Anonymous Sylvia Thomas said...

Dear Bro Milton,
My heart ached as I read your latest entry of the heart. Your words,written so profoundly gut-wrenching, speak of a man of God, broken and pressed almost beyond measure, who has suffered a tremendous blow. Yet, even though you are bruised, broken and bleeding from the inside out, the Lord has promised that you will not be crushed. When the searing pain of this trial of tears and anguish becomes almost too much to bear, the Lord will make a way for you to endure, thus allowing His glory to shine through you. He has not left you comfortless but with a shining and very real hope that, very soon, you will see the face of your beloved Kristy, never to part again! Your dear one is a rare and precious gem, her life still shines in the darkness. Her legacy continues to move us closer to Him! We don't understand, but we do trust that 'all things will work together for our good...'. You are such an inspiration to us all and you have our prayers for you and your family. The Lord sustain you and bless you with peace. Sylvia Thomas*

At 8:45 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dear Milton,

You write with such deep, heartfelt love and conviction. I hope you're keeping a journal. I believe you should write a book to help "those who mourn," but especially those who have lost a spouse.

Your love for your beautiful Kristy comes through loud and clear, as does your love for the Lord. With this kind of grief, it might be easier for some to crawl into their shell and suffer silently. But with your generosity of spirit you are helping others here, giving us hope for a future. You're still a great Dad and Papa and Pastor. And well, you're still a great husband as you make plans with Kristy in mind.

You're in our prayers, dear brother in Christ. May the Comforter wrap you in His peace and love and joy.

At 10:38 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think exactly what you wrote about is what scares me. I have been married for 36 years and as we get older, I know one of us must go first. I always think I could not handle it although I am
a Christian. Yet, I know it has to happen sometime. The hardest part for you is that you and Kristy were so much younger than the normal time that couples lose a mate. You are sharing thoughts that I know I will think if I am the one left behind. It was so wonderful of you to make those comments about being there to Jennifer. I'm praying God will help you.

At 4:16 PM, Blogger Barbara J. Robinson said...

Alan Jackson has a CD titled Precious Memories I listen to every morning on my drive to work. This morning a certain song reminded me of you and Kristy. "I Want to Stroll Through Heaven with You". I think that's the title. It's beautiful and reminded me so much of how you and Kristy strolled through small-town America together and of how one day you'd be reunited and stroll through heaven together. God bless. If you haven't heard this song, you need to listen to it.


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