Wednesday, December 17, 2008

WHO DID KRISTY TELL ABOUT MY NEW LOVE?

Who did Kristy tell about the new love to come? How did she know who the love would be? Why did she tell others who the new love would be? Was she a prophetess? Was it a wild guess? Was she just being pushy?

Kristy told Julie who God had for me not too long after her brain surgery. She sat Julie down and said that ????? would make me a wonderful wife and that ?????? was a sweet, kind lady who would be a great help to me and would take care of me. Julie said that her mother was very clear and direct in what she thought and that Kristy wanted the best for me. Kristy said that ?????? was the one God had for Milton.

That is amazing. Now remember, Kristy never told me her wishes. We never talked about who God had for me. I will admit that the one time she talked to me about God bringing a new wife into my life which really upset me. I just couldn't stand it. So we never talked about that again, ever.

Julie only just told  me this story just a few days back. So how did I come about calling this lady? Hold on with me just a while longer. There is still more back story to write.

***

Now read what my sis Norma emailed me on Monday. This is the second person Kristy told that ????? should be my new love. 

Norma emailed:

One day when Kristy and I were sitting in the den she told me she had something very important to tell me.  Kristy was already very weak and she knew her health was failing fast.  So, I wondered what she would tell me.  

She had talked to me several times about Milton and how much he needed companionship...she was concerned about leaving him...and this time she began by talking about this again. Then, she said that she believed she knew who Milton should marry when she died. 
 
Because I have been in a battle with cancer for several years, I understood her attention to this concern.  One time when I was not doing so well I wrote a letter to my husband with my thoughts on who he should consider.  Later, when I was doing better I shredded the letter!!  

So, Kristy began to tell me about a lady who is a member of a church that Milton pastored years ago.  She said that she would be a perfect fit for Milton and that when the time was right that I should talk to Milton about her.  Kristy told me her name and made me promise to remember. 
 
When Milton called me and told me that he felt a strong direction from the Lord to call a lady that he had pastored years ago, I remembered Kristy's instructions. I did not tell Milton at first because I wanted to see what his interest would be.  

When I could tell that he definitely was interested, I told him about this amazing conversation.  Kristy was always taking care of people's needs....especially Milton's...!!!

***

So l guess the obvious question is am I trying to fulfill Kristy's wish or prophetic word? The answer is no. Neither Kristy, Julie, or Norma told me about who the new love would be. While I love Kristy and honor her with all my highest desire, I could not move toward this new love with her push. More had to happen, and besides we never talked about who this new love would be.

But the obvious is that it is coming to pass. So, does God speak to us in this manner. Was Kristy kind, caring, or concerned or was she meddling in the wrong places? 

How did I come to find a new love and woo her? Why did she respond to my advances? How can I be so confident in all this? Why do all our families and my accountability partners support this love?

I will write more soon. 

***
Here are a couple of comments from a previous post that I would like everyone to read. 

Anonymous said... (My sister Tricia wrote)

Milton, I tried yesterday to post a comment, but it did not go through for some reason. I would like to express the sentiments of Milton's family (parents and siblings) if I may. We are all very happy for you and very thankful for the person God has chosen for you. She has been my friend for over 28 years now and we all hold her in highest esteem. She is a woman of integrity and has many talents and abilities to use in God's Kingdom. May God bless you both as you follow after His will.
Tricia

 Dad Dykes said...

Amen, Tricia! Those are our sentiments too. We met Milton's new love the first time for lunch on Nov. 29, 2008, Milton's treat to celebrate his parent's 64th Wedding Anniversary. When he introduced her to us my first comment to her was, "I would like to nominate you for Miss America."

She is a wonderful Lady and we trust she will become our new Daughter-in-law.

Dad & Mom Dykes

30 Comments:

At 9:15 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I agree, that this is a journey of love. Love in any manner is a miracle.
Be patient with readers, friends and church body that havent moved on quite so fast.
I humbly offer words of wisdom, as I regularly attend your church. Please be sensitive to your church body in how often and how many details you share with them about your new love. Yes, its hard to keep from shouting out and sharing about your new love and the joyful miracle it is to you. You dont want this great experience to get old to your listeners. It's okay to have a "little mystery". I am confident that our church body will accept and love this wondeful person. Full details arent needed every service. Individuals will pull back if they feel that it is pushed down their throats. For those who want or need "details" they can read the blog.
Sometimes Pastors unintentionally use the pulpit for a private audience about personal matters and the congregation smiles back and endures it.

As you and your new love prepare for new chapters in your lives, may your love story be full of laughter, joy and peace. Many blessings.

 
At 9:23 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I agree, it is o.k. but it might be better accepted if it not so loudly proclaimed. I have always heard that you should not make any major changes for the first year ( buying or selling houses , cars, etc..getting involved with someone else ) The heart needs time to adjust no matter if you have been given a prior blessing or the blessing of family. You should be happy but people are still hurting. Could you please post the son-in-laws comment again? I know you were speaking highly of it and I was wondering why it was removed.

 
At 9:45 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am posting anonymously this time and that is intentional. The reason is that I have posted in support of all that Milton is moving into and I don't want to undo that because I believe every word of it.

If I died, I know my husband, by personality, would be unbearably lonely. I still say go for it, Milton, but go for it slowly as far as marriage. It does not hurt to get past Kristy's death anniversary. Kristy was so loved by the congregation and, in time, your new love will be also. I have been a pastor's wife for many years. Bringing a woman into that is a lot bigger deal than bringing into the family. Please allow this to be a slow process. I know you are excited but please be careful not to act teenagerish. I am not saying that you are, but be careful of perception. Ease her into your congregation. No matter how wonderful you think your church is - let them slowly know this woman. It will help to make "pastor's wifing" a little easier later. You have moved on but I'll guarantee you many of the folks have not. Blessings, Milton and New Love.

 
At 9:47 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 
At 9:48 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 
At 10:07 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dearest 9:48 am
This doesnt have anything to do with his ability to Pastor or control emotions. He is a wonderful Pastor.

Our prayer and love is for him to move forward at a slower pace with this new found love.
We love and support this new journey just as we did in the chapters that have closed.
Blessings.

 
At 10:19 AM, Anonymous milton dykes said...

I did not remove the in-laws comment. There was one comment that was attributed to an in-law that was posted by someone that sounded like it was an in-law, but he or she is not. I know that for a fact so I removed it.

I have breifly shared what is happening in this new love with my church so they will not hear rumors that are not accurate. I have loved them enough to tell them the story face to face from me.

Pastor can speak too much from their pulpits about personal matters and I guess at times I do, but this was too important to be heard in a rumor fashion. I will not be speaking to my church on a continuous basis about this. We have far to much to do for the Kingdom. But, people talk and good people need to hear the truth and I have told them the truth.

The rest of the story will bear out God's plan and will for my life.

Now, can we please focus more on the story and God's will in this matter?. I will remove comments that are hurtful to readers or my family or family to be one day. They are all far more important to me than sharing this story.

I promised to write this story and I will so others will see that God does love us and does care and never fails us.

 
At 10:21 AM, Blogger Deanna Shrodes said...

Anonymous 9:47/9:48, that is a very unkind and uncalled for way for you to comment. I can only guess that perhaps you might be a church member. To this I would say, please realize your pastor is a man of God, but nevertheless still a man. Pastors have real emotions just like you do, they are human. Pastor Milton has been honest that he is going through many emotions, and in fact is receiving counsel. He is still grieving Kristy's passing while adjusting to a new love God has sent. Wouldn't ANYONE who has gone through this need help? He himself admits that he needs help, and that "God has sent it to him."

I believe the reason quite a number of people posting comments seem to have a hard time with this change of the new love in Milton's life is two-fold. First, they feel like they are "part of the family" through the blog, but also because they have projected his situation upon their own marriage or family situation. I can only speak for myself as a woman, a Christian a long time and a pastor's wife for 21 years, I do not think I could be as spiritual as Kristy in this matter. Just the thought of my husband with anyone else, even if I were in heaven, is a horrible thought I don't even want to consider. When I think of someone coming into my husband's life even were I to be deceased, it makes me very angry to think about. Because of how I feel about it were it to be me, it is hard for me to imagine someone else being happy about it, or for it to be the right fit for their life. However, just because I can't imagine it for myself or my spouse doesn't make it wrong for someone else. People are different...every love story is different. There is nothing biblically wrong with what Pastor Milton is doing, and on top of that, he had Kristy's blessing. If you are a church member I'm sure it's very hard for you to accept this and I can understand especially in the case of such a well loved pastor's wife as Kristy.

But please give your pastor some grace. And please don't speak so harshly. I know he does love you and those words hurt -- he's human.

Blessings...

 
At 10:23 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Milton is a flesh and blood man, ordained by God to minister to his people and losing Kristy has been the hardest thing in the world for him. I'm sure he didn't enter into this relationship lightly but seeking God at every turn. And knowing Kristy, I'm sure she's loving watching this love story from Heaven.

So as Christian brothers and sisters, we need to pray for Milton and his new love as well as their families. Not condemn them but fully understanding that God's timing is not ours and that unexpected love can cause giddiness even in a flesh and blood pastor.

Blessings,
Patty Hall

 
At 10:36 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Milton, I am sure you are a wonderful pastor and it is evident the Kingdom of God is your heartbeat. Thank goodness I did not read the deleted comments - lest I be angry and sin!

Let's give Milton time to write the story. None of us knows if/when he will remarry. So, all the comments are based on speculation.

I believe God can give Milton keen insight where the congregation, family and all are concerned. Folks, we need to trust God in Milton.

New Love, we wish you blessings. Please know these comments really have nothing to do with you. This too shall pass.

Barbara Benton

 
At 12:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

This if for the new lady in Milton's life: Please know that I realize these comments (some of them) are difficult for you to "hear." It seems as though people are making stabs at you, at times. I feel this is grief and hurt being exposed from those who came to adore Kristy and Milton, even through this blog. Ephesians 6:32 says, ..."having done all, I will stand." Basically, that's where you are at this moment in time. And, of course you both would love folk to be accepting of God's timing, just as you both have been. It doesn't seem that most are reacting that way, but it doesn't mean you are wrong for Milton or that you all are doing anything inappropriate. People set time limits, and feel that certain rules should be followed in these situations....however, when God sets events in motion, who are we to question a Godly man and Godly woman's decision to move on in their life? So, please STAND like the lady you are (because Milton would choose no other, of that I'm assured)...try to understand people's concerns and be strong in HIM. In time the storms will cease, and God's will shall prevail. Love always wins out in adversity. From Tricia, Norma and Dad Dykes - what wonderful blessings they have given - they that have walked so closely to Milton and Kristy's 'story' of pain, triumph and grace. Jennifer and Julie are on the sidelines cheering you and Dad on. You HAVR to be very special for so many loved ones to be cheering for you. May God carry you and Milton thru this time of questioning, and know that this is very normal reactions taking place here and now.

God Bless You and Yours -
FROM TENNESSEE

 
At 12:09 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

New Love and Milton, it's people's hurts and emotion coming out. It will get better. While you were quietly moving on in the backgroun (which was quite wise) many were suddenly having to catch up. It'll all be okay.

 
At 12:12 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Challenge: For the rest of this week, let Milton tell the story tomorrow and even if it evokes the desire to post a warning, or disagreement, don't post. After reading Thursday, Friday, and Saturday, maybe the story will be clearer and joy will arise. Accept the challenge?

BB

 
At 12:31 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am so happy for you, Milton. I'm sorry that there are those who feel the need to leave those kinds of comments. Please don't let it discourage you.

I am eagerly awaiting more of this story.

-Heather

 
At 1:04 PM, Blogger Karen Eve said...

It is interesting, when my former pastor remarried, there was a lot of speculation and talk within the congregation. The circumstances were different, as he 'dated' (very quietly and discretely) different women before he met his wife-to-be. I can tell you, there were many broken hearts, and not just the women he had explored friendships with since it took a couple of years for his process. There was absolutely nothing wrong with anything he did, it was just his process. And the 'dating' was a simple exploration of friendship and did not move to the point of physical contact (hand holding, kissing, etc.) All was done in good order. Where I'm going with this ramble, is there were many single women in the congregation who 'dreamed' shall we say, and were disappointed, but this healed for the most part in time.

Besides being a blessing to you, this may be a blessing to your congregation since it is almost certain that there are various women who already have their hopes up. I'm not condemning anyone, it is natural and normal on the part of the women. After all Milton, you were a 'hero husband' to Kristy, which gives you a very high recommendation. So what I'm trying to say, is that this may be a blessing in many other ways. I wish you all the best as you move into this next part of your journey. It will take some time, but I'm sure your new love will capture the hearts of your congregation, as she has captured yours.

Just another potential viewpoint. For those of you in Milton's church, please give him time and see what God unfolds. Blessings and prayers for you and your family.

 
At 1:19 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Karen Eve, what you say is so true. I think this story shows a few other things along these lines. Many women truly are secretly pining away for the pastor, sometimes even while their wife is alive. And the truth is while in some cases he may be a 'hero husband' none of them have any idea of how difficult it is to be a pastor's wife and what a rude awakening they would be in for if they married a pastor, hero husband or not. This isn't to scare Milton's new love. I'm sure knowing Milton she is probably already involved in ministry and not unaware of what to expect. I am just saying that I agree with Karen Eve that many in his congregation probably did fantasize about being the one and receive the hero husband but the truth is most would not possess the fortitude needed to handle the difficulty of what it takes to be a pastor's wife. I have also seen that when a pastor has married a woman from within the congregation they often end up resigning and leaving because the change of see Ms. So and So as now their pastor's wife and this changing role is just too difficult for both parties to handle. We have seen that in our church even when staff pastors have married a congregant, they often move on soon after the marriage because the adjustment is difficult and relationships are not the same for the woman. For instance, if she has previously confided in women in the congregation to a deep level, now she can not and that would cause problems. So I too think it is a wise thing for this new love to come from outside the church.

 
At 2:08 PM, Blogger Kate said...

I am in ministry and in one of my ethics classes in seminary it was made very clear that because of the nature of the pastoral/parishioner relationship it is unethical and innapropriate for pastors to date from within their congregation.

I was extremely thankful that Milton chose not to do this. He is a wise man, devoted to God. Ed and I wish, and pray, for a Blessed Christmas Season, and beyond for his family and all other loved ones.

 
At 2:22 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

God is great and able to handle any mistakes anyone makes (Romans 8:28). He is greater than criticism from people who don't understand and He will not give anyone more than they can handle. The steps of a righteous man are ordered of the Lord.

We don't know or understand why Kristy had to go home now, but she won! Kristy wanted this, Pastor loves God, his flock is praying for him, family on both sides agree with this action and contrary to what people think, he IS taking it slow. I have always heard that most widowers from a happy marriage marry within a year of their spouse' death, so this must not be too uncommon.

If you think God is in it - pray! If you don't think God is in it - pray!

God can handle it and Pastor listens to Him more than he does anyone else which is why I praise God he is my Pastor. I don't want someone who will let the world sway him this way and that. I want someone who will be honestly flawed and seek Him at every turn. I believe Pastor does this so I trust his judgment and know that if he has made a mistake, God can still turn it into something beautiful for both of them.

May God richly bless each of you and may the Holy Spirit comfort you and give you peace.

 
At 2:45 PM, Blogger Lisa L said...

Milton, your writing is amazing. I have followed for ages, but never commented. I am intrigued though, by some of the comments of Pastors' wives! I would love to know what the challanges are, it sounds very,very difficult.

 
At 3:05 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I totally agree with 9:45, some of this does seem really zealous (and teenager-ish), and I feel for all the parties in the situation. But it is ok for love to be quiet, to wait, to work itself out, there doesn't always have to be heros or shouts off the rooftops for love to be wonderful too. Or for love to be God given. And one of the missing links is Kristy's family, trying to think how they must be feeling. They have lost their daughter, sister and dearest friend. God doesn't call us not to hurt, so this can't possibily feel good to them. Our prayers are with everyone in the situation!

 
At 3:47 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

It is like a great book...I can hardly wait until tomorrow to find out more. I hate being in suspense! Tell us more!!!!

C

 
At 4:51 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

We miss my mother so much. Jennifer and I still can't believe she's gone. It's just unbelievable. We wish with all our hearts she was still here. She truly was an amazing woman. I have always bragged about my mother. I strive to be the kind of mother and wife she was.

We also love our father very much. Like I said at my mother's funeral, he is the wisest man I know. That's a pretty big statement. My father loves God with all of his heart. All my life I have seen my father in great times and in crisis times be 100% faithful to God, to my mother, and to Jennifer and me. It's evident just by reading this blog that he is a man of integrity, and I can tell you first hand- that's what he is. I am so thankful to have my dad and to have had my mother as parents. Wow- have I been blessed!

He has loved my mother and stood by her in good times and in bad times. Oh, how he loved my mother. With all of his heart, body, mind, and soul. He was there for her without fail until the end.
His heart has been totally broken. When he came to visit me and then went on to visit my sister in Puerto Rico about 2 months after my mother died, he was in bad shape. Really bad shape. He posts humerous posts, but he was really hurting- both mentally and physically. Only those who were around him could see how much.

I have known Dad's new love almost all my life. Like my dad, she is also a solid, stable, wonderful person. I have no doubts that they will be good for each other and that they will support one another and that she will be a blessing to my family and to my father's church family.

We love my mother so much. She was special. I love my dad too. I know with 100% certainty that he doesn't make rash, quick decisions. We ALL still miss my mom and and we always will.
God has sent him help and I am thankful for that. He and my mother always tell me, "Julie, we are so proud of you." Well, Dad - I'm proud of you. Thank you for being such a strong, steadfast, honest, God-loving man.



To my father's church family, I love you like true family. You all are special. Words will never express just how much you all mean to me. Thank you for all you have done to support my family. I know why you all were so dear to my grandmother's and my mother's hearts. You are dear to mine too.

To the readers who read this blog, we have felt your support and your love. You all have been such an enormous support and comfort to us. We have read every comment over the months- Thank you, thank you, thank you for ministering to us.

Everyone, tonight, express your love to your mate and/or your children. Hug them tight. Tell them how special they are to you. Tell them just how proud you are of them. Family is so special.

Love, Julie

 
At 4:54 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

All of this reminds me of the family that lost their only child in a car accident. Grief was made even worse by the fact that the mom had been told she could never give birth to any more children. Two months after the death of this precious child, the couple was asked if they were interested in adopting an infant from a young girl about to give birth in a never by town. The couple jumped at the opportunity! (Did they forget about the child they had lost? NO!) (Was it too soon for them to love another child? NO) God's timing is ALWAYS RIGHT! It's not for us to judge. The end of this story? 30 years later and 4 wonderful grands. God is Soooo Good!

 
At 5:09 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Way to go Julie! Once again, let Milton tell the story his way. I challenge you to give no opinions, warnings or advice for the next three days. Just read it, think about it. I don't think there is any more advice about this matter to give. It's all been covered. Write the story, Milton. Read the story, bloggers. Rejoice, all!

For the person who asked about being a pastor's wife. It's like being a first lady on a smaller scale. What you say, how you act, how you treat people comes under greater scrutiny than "regular" folks in the church. A person is walking in delusion to think that is not true. All God's children don't act like God's children sometimes! It's wonderful to help your husband pastor God's people, but you do live in somewhat of a fish bowl. I've done it for 35 years. Some hard times but mostly good. My advice: be the woman God called you to be, love God, love your husband, love your family, love God's people. operate in YOUR gifts and lay down and night and say, "Did I please you today, Lord." It don't' get no better than that!

BB

 
At 5:57 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

God works in amazing ways.

He knows our every need and when to fulfill them.

His timing is perfect.

Just me

 
At 6:32 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I second that...way to go Julie...thank you for sharing from your heart. I believe that many need to hear this....I am so excited for your dad and his new love...he will follow what God tells him and when God tells him I am certain....from this blog I have gotten to know your dad and your precious mother...what a woman to think of her dear husband. You know what she shared with you...and your dad knows....so to all those having a problem.....sit back quietly and let God tell Milton and his new love what they should do....and let Milton tell his story...I cant wait till tomorrow.....love and prayers to Milton and his family, Kristy's family and the family of Miltons new love....May God bless and keep you all in His care. God's timing is always right, He is an on time god...amen and amen.
Pat St. Pete

 
At 7:03 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Julie & Jennifer,

I wanted to tell you what a wonderful father you both were blessed with. Wow, I could only dream to have had such a special father. Don't get me wrong, I love my father dearly, but your Father well, I know you are both so proud. He is also a great Pastor. (The man can Preach!!) And the love that he has in his heart for you both, your children and also his congregation is so evident in him. You both are so lucky to call him Dad! :)

Father God, we thank you for this Godly man that you have placed in our lives either as pastor or through this blog. Please continue to bless him and keep him strong through all his days. Please God, although this is just the internet, please put your blood covering over his words & use them to Glorify you. God bless his girls & grands help them to continue to heal and to move on with each of their lives as you see fit. We thank you Father and pray these things in the Name of your son Jesus. Amen & Amen.

 
At 7:17 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dear 7:03 PM,

Thank you. Your comment and prayer touched me. They took my breath away for a minute and brought tears to my eyes.

God bless you.

Julie

 
At 8:42 PM, Blogger Lisa L said...

Thank you BB (9.05pm)...gosh it sounds hard. I really appreciate your input...Lisa

 
At 9:51 PM, Blogger A Romantic Porch said...

I am almost certain that Milton told us in a blog posting several weeks ago that "God had sent him help!" (though I haven't had time to actually search for it~ forgive me if I misquoted him)So why should any of us be surprised about the fact that he is beginning to give us more details of the help that God has sent. In a world filled with heartache and hard times, I'm anxious to read about this miraculous answer to prayer!
Rachel Going

 

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