Thursday, November 06, 2008


Milton, here for Kristy:

I have reflected on my vows to Kristy that we made on our wedding day. Our wedding ceremony was beautiful and filled with extra love that Kristy added in a special poem that she wrote and pre-recorded and played in the service. 

We pledged to 

honor and cherish
in sickness and health
for better for worse
till death we do part.

There were other promises made in that ceremony and we kept every one of them. We loved and we cherished and enjoyed almost 37 wonderful years of marriage. I miss that gal and will always love her. There will never be another Kristy. There was just one. She was mine.

Marriage vows made before God and man are sacred. If the vows are recorded in court, they are legal and have legal consequences. But vows made before God, are hallowed. They are holy. They have promise of blessing and severe consequences when foolishly broken. 

We made vows to each other and lived them out in love and honor. Our marriage was a model in many ways that most people only have dreams of sharing. We lived. We loved. We laughed. We had an everlasting love.

But my vows to her are completed. I kept them as we pledged until death we part. I didn't want her to die. I couldn't bear her being sick. The thoughts of her dying were unbearable. I miss her so very much. 

But, our vows have been fulfilled.

I cannot fathom what I am writing. Thirty-seven years passed too quickly. We were to have many, many more years. But death took her. She is in heaven. She is well. She is waiting for all of us to complete our journeys. 

What comes after the death of one's beloved? I don't have all those answers. There are too many questions and not enough wisdom to figure it all out just yet. But, I do know this, we loved and cherished and fulfilled our vows to live for better for worse, in sickness and in health, till death we do part.

Death parted us. The vows are completed. 


At 8:47 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Milton, I know how hard it is to imagine moving forward. The fear and the anticipation. When it came to your marriage - well done, good and faithful husband. Feel free - walk toward the new.

At 9:14 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Pastor thank you for writing this. It is a must see for my mom and uncle to read whom are both questioning the very act of ever moving on.

You continue to be in our prayers

Kevin & Tamatha Jones

At 9:42 AM, Blogger Robin Bayne said...

Praying for you and your family.

At 1:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Extremely well put! Wish many people, who have seen a spouse move on to heaven, could read this. God has given you so much insight into life. Please keep sharing with us, so we can gain and also share with others. Many God continue to use your writings.

A friend

At 2:13 PM, Blogger Karen Eve said...

Excellent - it sounds as though you are processing through the changes in your life, which is a part of the process. This will take time too, especially since you never really were a single man, in that you married right out of college from what I understand. (Yes you were a man, but of course there's a big difference in seeing life from the perspective of a young student and seeing it from outside the protection of the college walls). You are a wise man, who has counseled many through this process, and even though you're a pastor, the path will be similar and will take time. Who is Milton Dykes, single man, widower, father, grandfather, son, brother, friend, author, lover of football, etc? It is generally good to find out these things and finish the greiving process before you start a new relationship, otherwise it won't be fair to the new person. She can't be Kristy, she can't replace Kristy. She will need to be valued as uniquely her, just as you valued Kristy for her special qualities and uniqueness. I'm sure you know all this, but please be careful not to let people push you out of the nest before you're wings are ready. Starting a new relationship when you're still healing from the loss of Kristy will of course dull the pain, but you may jeopardize it if you are still recovering. This is not to say that is what you're contemplating, you have made it clear that you're not, but well meaning friends and family...
It is so healthy though that you have allowed for this emotionally and I know that God is leading through this. Thank you for continuing to share your journey with us. It is so beneficial to all.
I continue to pray for you and your family.

At 4:08 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Milton, mix all these messages together and you will have good council. You fulfilled your vows and new vows will probably be in your future. Take it slow, but don't be afraid to embrace what God has for you. Your daughters will also be a great influence for you. Blessings on the journey.

At 11:28 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Milton, in reading your last three posts, I feel that my brother and I have just had a heart to heart discussion on "what is to be." Like: "Where do I go from here?" "Is it too soon?" "Will people understand, if and when it should happen?" "Can I truly, really love again?" "Will I know when GOD sends the RIGHT ONE to me?" My dear Milton, I can only shed tears of joy at this moment, because GOD IS MOVING YOU....moving you to new heighths in your journey. The person that God sends your way WILL BE all that you need and more. There will be an assurance and a knowing, and you will be at peace.
"Peace, peace wonderful peace, coming down from the Father above...sweep over my Spirit forever I fathomless billows of love."

Blessings and Prayers,
Cathy (TN)


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