JENNIER WRITES: NEW NORMAL
Milton, here for Kristy:
Jennifer, my youngest daughter, wrote these words on her blog on Monday about our experience and loss of Kristy.
***
Jennifer wrote:
How long do you think it takes until something different becomes the new normal?
How long do you think it takes for the deep wound on a heart to turn into a thick red scar?
Shock.
When I wake and remember...she is gone, it seems crazy. Absolutely nuts.
She taught me about heaven and now she's experiencing it. Surreal.
I don't want this to be the new normal. I don't want the wound on my heart to heal and become thick. Toughened with time.
But time keeps passing...
We all have to go on and she keeps slipping farther into heaven.
I keep thinking, why did she have to die? What are we supposed to learn from this? Why do we learn at such a high price?
How long do you think it takes for the deep wound on a heart to turn into a thick red scar?
Shock.
When I wake and remember...she is gone, it seems crazy. Absolutely nuts.
She taught me about heaven and now she's experiencing it. Surreal.
I don't want this to be the new normal. I don't want the wound on my heart to heal and become thick. Toughened with time.
But time keeps passing...
We all have to go on and she keeps slipping farther into heaven.
I keep thinking, why did she have to die? What are we supposed to learn from this? Why do we learn at such a high price?
***
milton dykes said...
Jennifer, I know those feelings and it hurts to think she is going farther and farther apart from us.
Her love, her words, her sweetness, her care, her tender touch, her careful planning, her feisty ways, her gorgeous smile, her beautiful red mane, her delicious skin, her delightful ways, her ingenious creativity, her love.....oh, her amazingly sweet love. How can all that be gone?
But God has given help....
It hurts really bad.
Dad
posted by Kristy Dykes @ 7:00 AM
10 comments
10 Comments:
Such pain, it seems that this really didnt happen to you and not real, but then reality sets in they are not there, thier human presence is gone and then you cry and cry and somehow after the crying you feel better, God is amazing that through the tears our pain is eased a bit. And with time it gets better some days are okay then it creeps back...But in the hope and knowing that one day we will see our loved ones again. The thing that really gives us a desire to know more about heaven, want heaven even more knowing that our loved ones are there...God always has a plan...and as death is something we always want to put off for this or that reason....we pray for healing, we pray for protection and all the things to delay it....but until the Lord's return for His bride.....that is the only way to get there....wouldnt it be nice if we could make a reservation on a plane, or train for heaven....it just doesn't work that way. I know your pain, I cry for you and with you.....the memories all come back of how I am missing my child, and I too will one day rejoice in seeing him again....but God has given me new life here, two precious grandchildren to enjoy, so for the time being, I am very content on being right here where He has me. May God keep you all in His care and give you His comfort and love this Holiday Season, and take comfort you got to have much time to say goodbye even though it didnt seem so. Much love to you and your family.
I don't think I could add anything else as eloquently as the previous poster. This past weekend was the two year anniversary of my father's passing, and although it does get easier as the days pass, we are forever changed by the loss we feel. Please know that I am praying the Comforter will sustain you and give you peace in the coming days.
Amy
The pain and hurt from losing someone that we love beyond measure is a tough wound to heal. Everything in our life reminds of them - we cannot avoid the memories.
I lost my father when I wsa 15, my mother when I was 21, and my second father (he happened to be my father-in-law) 10 years ago. There are things about my life that my parents never had the chance to experience. I have a wonderful wife, a daughter, and a gradnson that they did not have the opportunity to know.
Yes, there is still pain after all of these years. But there are the beautiful memories and cherished moments. And there is the peace of Christ that passes all understanding - knowing one day all of us will be reunited.
All of us who have experienced the painful loss of a loved share in the pain that you feel. But, take comfort in Christ. The pain changes and heals, but the memories go on forever.
May you know the Peace of Christ and may His compassion bring you comfort and healing.
Elton Brooke
May God's grace bring you further healing. Yes, with time the pain will lessen, but Kristy will always be in her beloveds heart and soul forever.
The pain is still raw. We pray for you every day.
Lisa V and her mom.
Dear Milton and Jennifer, Thanks for sharing so honestly about the feelings and questions on your hearts. This is a long journey, and I expect going through the holiday season makes it even more challenging. I will continue to pray for you to absorb the lessons and experience God's loving comfort.
Love and prayers from,
Carrie in NJ
Re. Jennifer's heartfelt writing:
When I lost my mother, I remember this exact feeling, that after several months, she had slipped "farther into heaven". I especially remember it when Christmas was drawing near, because I knew that we would soon be leaving the old year and entering a brand-new year, a new number, without her. It didn't see right. I almost felt panicked, even though I knew she was safe and healthy and happy with Jesus and her loved ones.
I lost my mother in August, four years ago. Some days she feels just in another room. Other times when I long to talk to her, she feels like she is beyond a thick fog. When my dad died (also in August) two years later, I went through the same thing. It felt so strange, unnatural, even, to be moving on without him. Years changing their numbers, occasions going on without either parent.
I can say from the bottom of my heart that the void will always be there, but the ache will recede. God's wonderful plan for healing our hearts is timed so well. At the moment, Jennifer, you don't want it to heal. You want to remember everything and feel all you need to feel to process the grief. That is healthy. It's necessary. One day, I promise you will suddenly realize that you've moved an inch toward healing, then another and another. A flood of memories will warm you instead of making you cry.
It's then you'll realize that the Lord has been shepherding you at your own pace. He truly is our Good Shepherd.
Milton,Jennifer,and Julie,
I, too, thought that time would heal but everyday I think how much I have lost in my dearest friend. It feels funny that I didn't even know how much Kristy really meant to me until she was gone.I didn't know how much it would hurt. We were all friends, friends that could call at the drop of a hat and meet for dinner. Friends that could walk on the beach and talk about beauty of nature or the cares of the day. Friends that could just be there in times of sorrow. Friends that could laugh together even though we had heard it before. I passed the street that leads to Grove Park where she loved to live. I cried all over again. Not for sorrow's sake but because I didn't tell her enough how much her friendship really meant. But as most real friends know...it goes without saying, but I still wish I had said it more. I had to write because I wanted to tell you how much she loved you. She told me to tell you Milton, Jennifer, and Julie, that God will hold you while you cry.
Friends Forever, Sandra
She is in a place where time stands still. You are moving closer to her. She is not moving farther away from you. Every day brings you closer to eternity! Walk the road with God at your side and you will experience life's greatest journey. Kristy has gone ahead of you and is waiting for you. The breath of heaven is sweet and you can allow it to breathe upon your sorrows to strengthen you in your journey. Go with God. You are not alone.
I'm raining tears reading this one. They say time heals all wounds, but not completely. It's been 10 years since I lost my mom and four since I lost my youngest sister, and the wound still has no hard scab. It's still raw and aching. The Kingdom Heirs have a beautiful new song, "Good News from the Grave Yard," and I love it. I know they're in heaven with Jesus, but it still hurts not having them here and being able to share life with them. Nothing will ever be the same again without them. There is no normal.
May God bless and heal you,
Barb
If it's any comfort, I do still feel their presence in my life, as I know you feel Kristy's in yours, but it's not the same. Even when you think you've healed, something reopens the festering wound.
Rejoice in your loved ones.
Barb
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