PEANUT....PEANUT BUTTER!!!

Milton, here for Kristy:

For over nine months my home was filled with loving caring family and friends who stood with Kristy and me before her passing. They walked through the valley of the shadow of death with Kristy and me. Our grandchildren were often here. The house was teeming with activity, love, and care. This evening as I write the house is amazingly quiet, cold, and still. I still feel all the love our my dear family, but the house is quiet--real quiet.

I am adjusting to this life change more and more. Even though the house is very still and there are no crying grands or noise, I sense daily that I am getting better and adjusting to where I am in this life change process.

The fact of Kristy's passing is settling in and the feeling of loss is becoming more apparent. That may sound silly or the obvious, but that is how it feels to me. I know that this leads to the next page in the book of my life. Where do I go from here? How do I handle these changes? I have had numerous family and even some friends who have lovingly spoken of the importance of moving ahead. I am doing that little by little as I walk through this part of my life journey. 

Kristy wanted the very best for me. Always, she wanted what was in my or "our"  best interest. I know that she still feels that way. She is pulling for me. She is rooting for me. I hear her cheers for me, it seems, in the most unusual times. I even felt her picture smiled at me over life decisions that I am making. Does that sound strange? I hope it doesn't sound to far out.

I am learning many ways to eat peanut butter and some new ways to actually prepare dinners. I have some very good cook books that I actually intend on using. I bet I can become a very good cook. That would surprise lots of folks. My Dad told me that he actually taught my Mom to cook. I never knew that he could cook. We'll see if I caught some of his cooking genes. I didn't get any of his "fix it" skills.

Moving forward to a new day is not easy when one loses such a wonderful wife, friend, and lover like Kristy. But as I have written, I will go forward to the destiny and plans that God has for me. 

That would please Kristy. 

That will please God. 

That will bless me.

CAN PUMPKINS SHINE HIS LOVE?

Milton, here for Kristy:

I got back into Jacksonville Wednesday afternoon and ran by the church to check on final plans for our Harvest Festival for the kiddies. We have it on a Wednesday evening just before Halloween to give the kids an alternative fun event. 

My drive back to Jax from Boone, NC, and through Columbia, SC,  was uneventful in the sense that it was a safe trip. Thank God for safe trips. 

I talked to family and friends by cell and with an ear plug to make sure that I wasn't being distracted by talking on the cell. I found myself thanking God over and over for Kristy and the wonderful life we shared together. 

She blessed me in so many ways. I miss her, but I find a sense of comfort knowing that she is well and that she blessed me to go forward with my life. She was a godly and good lady who loved me so very dearly. She loved me enough to push me even before her death to the new life that is yet before me. I know she is pleased with me. I feel it in my spirit and heart. I know she is for me and wants to see me do well. That was her deepest nature and heart.

At church Wednesday night the kiddies played bean bag toss and water balloon toss, and needle in the hay stack and bowling and many other games and ate hot dogs and candy and candy and candy and candy. Can someone pass the Pepto Bismol please? I think I need some--real bad.

I especially liked the pumpkin carving. Each year we share a pumpkin carving that illustrates to the kids how that Christ takes all the junk out of our lives

 and removes the rough edges of life and puts His light and love into our hearts if we let Him. Then we turn the lights off and there is Christ shining out through the pumpkin and shining His love out to bring light in the darkness. I enjoyed sharing that with the kiddies this year.

Doesn't the pumpkin look great. Christ in us is a light  even far, far, better. I want His light to shine out through me. What about you?

SMALL SNOW FLURRIES IN BLOWING ROCK

Milton, here for Kristy:

It is cooooold in Boone today. I had the coldest shower this morning in my life. The hot water heater wasn't working and I screamed and yelled. Did you hear me? I am telling you it was coooooooooold! The house where we are staying is so lovely and furnished beautiful, but the temperature outside was 29. The water in that shower wasn't much higher.

There was brief snow with almost no accumulation on the ground. We drove the Blue Ridge Parkway and the snow clouds covered many views, but the leaves were still spectacular. There were yellows, reds, orange and golden colors all glowing in the sun.

At lunch we stopped at a restaurant with the most gorgeous view. Sitting inside and watching a few snow flakes with swans in the lake and all the golden colors all around made it special. Last year Norma, Ron, Kristy and I sat at the same table. We didn't know what was just ahead for Kristy and the change ahead for me and for all our family. The view from that window was all pretty and pristine. Just two weeks later my life would be forever different.

Terry and I treated Sandra better by letting her shop somewhere other than Lowe's or the Purina Food Store. She had been walking up the streets in cooooooold weather. I think she needs someone one to inspire her on in the snow as she didn't shop as long as she normally would have shopped.

We were planning on staying one more night in Boone, but with the cold weather and snow I think we're driving back in to Columbia tonight.

Enjoy the pics. It is stunningly beautiful in the mountains in spite of the cooooooold.

LET IT SNOW?

Milton, here for Kristy:

It is cold. It is crisp. It is _____.

Put a word in that blank. What would it be? Cute? Cool? Cuddly? Costly? Cunning? Cranky? What goes in the blank?

I am writing this in a coffee shop in West Jefferson, NC. Tonight we are eating at the Daniel Boone Restaurant in Boone. They say it is delicious with home style cooking. Actually I remember now that we ate there last year on our trip up to see Autumn leaves. Last year Ron, Norma and Kristy and I made the trip.

The leaves are in full color and it may snow tonight. Can you imagine. Snow! It feels like the North Pole aside. Burrrr! My Florida Sunshine needs heating up!

We are going to watch a DVD tonight and munch down.

Sandra is outnumbered and has not been able to get us to stop to shop. We offered to stop at Lowe's and the Purina Feed Store. I can't figure out why she didn't want to shop. Well, can you believe it. Just as I write this Sandra

and Terry went into the Purina Feed Store. They must have shoes in there too!

Tuesday we will ride part of the Blue Ridge Parkway and go over to Blowing Rock. If there should be snow, we might be hindered some. People from Florida don't know very much about snow skiing. I gone a couple of times and thought a mole hill was a mountain. Ha!

We'll see how the day goes. It will be fun!

Wish you all were here. The colors are beautiful!!!! Maybe we could have a big ski party and snow fight.

See the picture of Sandra? Her smile betrays her disdain. There aren't any shoes in that Feed Store--unless they were horse shoes!

AUTUMN LEAVES AND MORE...

Milton, here for Kristy:

I am in Columbia, SC, and am headed to Boone, NC, Monday morning to see Autumn leaves. It may be more Winter leaves than  Autumn leaves as it is going to be in the 20's Monday night. That too cold for a transplant who has lived in Florida for almost thirty years.

I grew up in North Alabama in the most Southern foothills of the Smoky Mountains. The  Autumn leaves were always spectacular. I moved to Florida in 1980 and have enjoyed 1 and 1/2 seasons each year, but began to miss the other 2 and 1/2 seasons six or seven years back. So the last number of years I have tried to go North far enough to catch a few red, orange and yellow and mixed Autumn colors. They are just spectacular. 

Every life has a Spring, Summer, Autumn and Winter. I am going through a late Autumn and Winter Season, but I know that Spring will come soon.

Winters are cold, dark, rainy, with loss of color and life. Winters do not have fruit or growth or immediate beauty or blessing. Winter drives one inside and slows the metabolism. No one really wants Winter to go on and on with no promise of conclusion. We prefer a joyful Spring and Summer over any extended feelings for Winter.

Winter removes dead stuff and hard stuff and concludes the frilly commitments of life so that the new can come forward. Winter is vital for life, for nature, for healing to grow through Winter. The mental, emotional, physic, and even the spiritual sides of us  need the deep rest that comes in the death of a winter. Then new shoots of life and beauty can spring forward. 

What season are you experiencing? Do not be afraid, God walks through all seasons.

LET YOUR TEETH OR TOOTH SHOW!

Milton, here for Kristy:

Do you have a pretty smile? How often do you smile? Smiling is relaxing and takes less facial muscles and certainly makes one look better.

I don't smile often enough, big enough, spontaneously enough. I do smile and I practice smiling at others throughout the day. It  seems that a smile does something that is needed so very much for the one smiling and the one receiving the smile.

Kristy's portrait is my by door in the master bedroom. She knew how to smile and when to smile. Put a camera in her face and the beam on her face would glow. And, if it didn't glow, then the picture was immediately deleted--without fail. I do not think I have one picture of her without a very pretty smile. Her smile blesses me. The smile on that portrait blesses me.

When you get through reading this, go find someone dear and smile big. Let your teeth, or tooth, or gums, show. Smile with love, tenderness, and forgiveness. Let it bless them, touch them, help them. 

I bet you get blessed back.

No, I am not getting a kick-back from Colgate. I just liked the smile. 

Get a healthy smile, and smile!

THREE QUESTIONS FOR YOU TODAY

Milton, here for Kristy:

Day by day life is changing for me. 

Somehow, someway, sometime it is changing for good. God's promise is that He will take all things and work them together for good. This last year I will admit that it seems impossible for good to come into my life as tough, hard events have overwhelmed me. How can He release new beginnings of blessing? Yet God is faithful. We must trust Him and believe Him and obey Him.

May I ask you a simple sincere question? The question comes from one who has experienced a deep, hard wound within my soul and spirit. The question isn't an easy answer but it is vital to life and blessing.

Are you willing to trust Him, believe Him, obey Him?

That is all I have to write today. Those questions are the only parts of life that matter.

THE WARMEST SMILE

Milton, here for Kristy:

Thursday afternoon I drove down to see my parents in Leesburg,
Fl., about 2 1/2 south of Jacksonville. Driving down to see them for the first time since Kristy's passing brought all kinds of memories and feelings. We visited countless times during our 

years of marriage with both of our parents. Now, her parents are in heaven and Kristy is there with them and I am here. 

Surreal over and over again.

Tricia, my middle sister, and her family ate dinner with us. Tricia lived with us in the early '80's for a year or so and considered Kristy a mentor. Kristy loved Tricia and Tricia love Kristy. We have had a blast through the years with Tricia and her family. Now, I watched as she and Rick shared together and I sat alone. 

Surreal over and over again.

The family pictures on the walls of my parent's home reach out to me. Pictures of Christmas's and Thanksgivings and family birthday celebrations and weddings and on the list go. There was Kristy and me over and over again in picture after picture. 

Surreal over and over again.

We talked about some of our good times as a family and my mother cooked her famous Southern fried chicken. Sooooo goooood! And then her delicious pound cake. Wow!!! That beats Twinkies all to pieces.

This morning as I prepared to leave home walking out of our master bedroom, I looked at Kristy's portrait with her big smile to me. I felt the strongest, warmest feeling that she was truly smiling at me and all was well. That gave me comfort to face the remainder of the day. God is faithful!

I miss her, but I am going to be OK.

The pictures include Stephanie, and Mom and Dad with Trish and Stephanie, and Rick and Josh. How do you like Josh's hairdo? And just think, the man with the beautiful smile is a senior pastor of a great church. God can truly do awesome things beyond comprehension.

Trish and Stephanie stayed with us and helped care for Kristy at our home. They were an untold blessing to us. All of my family have been kind to me beyond words. They have loved me, carried me, listened to me, and believed in me. I am a blessed man.

TUESDAY, 21, 6:42 PM

Milton, here for Kristy:

Tuesday afternoon I was typing away and looked up to check the time. The clock read 6:42 PM. My chin dropped. I wiped tears. Three months had passed since Kristy went to heaven on Monday, July 21, at 6:42 PM.

It is not like I am trying to put myself through some agony or grief, but it just happens. Grief floods in and loss becomes overwhelming. I received several very timely calls yesterday from individuals wanting to check on me and make sure I am OK. People have been so very kind. Monday earlier in the day I was at a minister's meeting and a long time pastor friend came up and said that he had never been to a memorial service as impacting as Kristy's service was. His comments touched me and were comforting. 

Grace has come at the most amazing times and the most unique ways. I don't feel alone most of the time. God has sent me comfort. This life adjustment will take some time to work out and God's steadying hand will hold me up. I feel His hand. I know He is there with me.

Kristy did all she could to prepare me for this time. She blessed me and assured me I would be OK.  She told others to check on me and I think she is somehow making sure I'm OK now. That sounds strange to say. I know she is in heaven and is happy beyond words, but I just feel her eyes are catching quick glimpses of us and me all alone.

6:42 PM 

Something very sacred and holy happened on July 21, 2008 at 6:42 PM.

Kristy won!

***

Jennifer sent me a picture taken yesterday of my princessa Claudia on her new IPhone! Claudia is one pretty Puerto Rican!

TOOL TIME ON TONGA DRIVE

Milton, here for Kristy:

Kristy loved to improve life and make things more beautiful. She just had a great knack for choosing the right colors and designing and arranging and adding pizzazz. She always had a flair for touching up paintings, wall decorations, murals, glass, clocks, and about any other aspect of the house.

Often I would pull into the drive late in the afternoon and catch her with a spray can out in the yard spraying new fresh colors on drab, old stuff. Frequently the spray would be caught by the wind and leave paint sprayover on the grass or driveway--though she did spray on newspaper or other appropriate material.

There were several projects that she wanted done on the house that I have been working to get completed. The back deck needed repainting as well as the back storage shed. I finally got that done and it looks great! She would love it. I didn't do the work myself, but I had great help by a man who has been working some to help in our refurbishing project at church. 

As I wrote this thoughts, my mind went to her paint cans that she kept so neatly in our cabinet in the garage. She saw to it that our garage was the cleanest and neatest one 

the neighborhood. In fact, just this week someone commented they had never seen a garage as neat as our garage. I can't stand for it to get out of order. She trained me that way.

The summer before she was diagnosed with a tumor she went out on the back deck where I was studying and took a picture of me. She loved that back deck and was proud of my efforts to keep it looking good.

I guess she is smiling today. The deck and storage shed both look great!

Tim the tool man doesn't have anything on me. I didn't blow anything up yet. Kristy would be proud. It's tool time on Tonga Dr.

RUN, BAMBI, RUN!

Milton, here for Kristy:

I am just about to get over the camper fatigue from Friday night and Saturday. My grandsons loved getting away with their Papa and we had loads of fun. 

Boys love sticks and fires and snakes and bugs and dirt and hot dogs and Twinkies and Oreo's  and tents and sleeping bags and hammocks and woods and more dirt and marsh mellows and more fire and all the outdoor stuff that goes along with camping out.

You can call me Davy Crockett as I had a perfect shooting percentage with the pellet gun. I did well on the paint ball shooting and hit the deer with an arrow in the belly. Boy, that sounds terrible--shooting Bambi's cousin. Ouch! 

Run, Bambi, run. Don't let them shoot you again. I'm sorry! Aw, shucks. That is what you're supposed to do with a bunch of guys camping out. I guess I'm letting my feminine side overwhelm me too much. I'm not a sissy. I am just tender in heart right now.

Alex and Nic want to go camping again this weekend. That would be fun, but it will have to wait for another time.

The weekend was another one of those bitter/sweet times. The activity was good for me. I have been extremely busy with very little free time until later in the evenings. Sunday night was the first night I have had alone at home for  a while. I could have gone somewhere and done something, but my body was tired even though my mind was hurting over being home alone. I know I have to work through it and I am by His grace.

***

The bends and turns of life have some very unusual spots. This journey isn't easy, but I will make it.

Today will be 3 months since Kristy passed. It seems like yesterday that she was first diagnosed with GBM cancer, but it will be a year in just a little over two  weeks since we were told she had an orange size tumor in the back of her brain. Now I am three months beyond the date of her passing. 

This is so unreal to write. It just can't be true, but it is so.

I FORGOT MR. GREEN!

Milton, here for Kristy:

I can't believe the mistake I make in my haste to go camping Friday afternoon. I forgot to take Mr. Green. Can you believe it? When I arrived back on Saturday evening, he was sitting on the counter and hadn't moved since I left him. Of course, he hasn't moved since I put him there and I haven't heard him say hardly anything either.

My little grands had a ball with all the events planned at our camp site. There was paint ball target shooting, bow and arrow shooting, balloon blasts, pellet shooting, knife and hatchet throwing, and toss tic tac toe. I spent my time making sure all the weapons were pointed the right direction and that no one got burned in the camp fire.

I didn't take the Twinkies  shown in the last post, but the boy's leader, Greg, who planned the camping trip made sure that my Twinkie needs were fulfilled. 

Thankfully there were no snakes, bugs, or spiders in our tent, but it did get cooler as the night progressed. My new air mattress that was guaranteed not to lose air deflated in the night and I got less comfortable as the night progressed. Finally I had to discard it and sleep on my cot. Greg brought the cot for me too, which was a huge help. Let's hear it for Greg!

I will show pictures of the camping trip tomorrow. I took my camera and MacBook to the church office Sunday morning and failed to bring it home. Sorry, but tomorrow you will see some interesting photos.

***

How am I doing?

That is a very difficult question to answer. Grief is a process and there are no simple, pat answers as to how it will work out. My immediate family and extended support network of friends and family have stood by me and helped me every step of the way.

My church family has loved and prayed for me. They have all been unbelievably kind and helpful. I am blessed.

I still need your prayers so very much. I come home to an empty house where I used to be greeted, kissed, and loved by the most energetic, creative, lady you can imagine. Kristy loved me so dearly and stood with me through every ministry venture we entered. We lived and loved life. 

God is healing my heart. It will take His hand and loving care to complete the work. I know He will be faithful.

When I met Julie Friday afternoon to get her boys for the camp-out, we sat for a few moments at Chick-fil-A  and talked. The conversation kept coming back to Kristy and big tears flowed down all our cheeks. Acceptance of of the reality of the loss of a loved one is one of the biggest adjustments a body can face. 

Kristy is missed and loved.

CAMPING IN TWINKIE LAND!

Milton, here for Kristy:

The picture tells how much fun I had camping. I will write more tomorrow. Papa had fun with my little guys. I didn't bring the Twinkies. The Lord privideth!

SOMETHING'S CRAWLING IN THE TENT!

Milton, here for Kristy:

Mr. Green and I have gone camping. I off with a group of young boys from our church with our Royal Ranger Program, a program for young boys, on a two day camping trip.

I went to Ocala to pick up my two grandsons so they could enjoy camping with Papa. They are busy little guys and have been looking for to this for a long time.

Years ago, Kristy and I went camping up in the Smokies with our youth group for a week. It was a fun get-a-way that we all enjoyed.

One night as Kristy and I were trying to go to sleep in our tent she said she heard something crawling. I couldn't believe that she could and told her everything was OK. She wouldn't relent and got the flashlight. She turned in on and there at our feet was the biggest spider I have ever seen in my life. It was huge! It was big enough to hear its legs crawling around the inside of our tent. 

I lounged to kill it and accendentaly kicked Kristy's foot and sore big toe. Unbelievably, as I killed the spider I had kicked her toe nail off. She let out a yelp and I felt like a real heel. First I had not been as sensitive to her concerns about something crawling around in the tent and second I had kicked her toe nail off!

I tried to comfort her and told her how sorry I was. That helped, but the scene wasn't good.

The next morning all those sleeping in tents wanted to know what the big bad pastor had done to make the little sweet redhead cry. Well, our marriage was secure, but we had to assure them that a mild accident had happened and that there was a big, bad dead spider that had gone to spider heaven.

We never were big campers, but we have enjoyed many wonderful times out in God's great outdoors.

I will enjoy camping with Alex, Nic, and Mr. Green.

Pray that we don't meet that big, bad spider's great, great, great, great, great, great, great , great great, grandson. 

He might not be so kind to me! 

HA! 

THE FLAG MARKS THE SPOT?

Milton, here for Kristy:

I have read and studied the Bible all my life. It would be hard to guess how many times I have read it through, yet every step of my journey unfolds new and deeper meaning of God's Word. Now that Kristy is in heaven, I will admit that I think of heaven more. My mind spins wondering what she is doing there. 

Hebrews 12:1 tells us about the witnesses in heaven that are over us as a cloud. Amazing! Thrilling! Awesome! What a concept--a cloud of witnesses.

She can see me. I believe that there is a cloud of witnesses in heaven watching us. A "witness" is someone who has seen or is aware to definitive degree about situations and circumstances. A witness basically is someone who has a real record of what has happened. 

So, I believe Kristy is a real witness of what is happening. 

Let me tell you something funny that happened in a very tough part of this journey. The day I had to go to the cemetery to identify the specific plot Kristy was to be buried was unbelievably hard, yet in a quirky way something funny happened.

The person assigned to take me to identify the plot suggested that since is was so unbearably hot that we just stay in the car and she would point to the grave spot as we watched and we would nod our heads and the site would be noted for burial. I had already bought the plot so this seemed a reasonable thing to do as it was blazing hot. They had a legal description of the site and knew exactly where she was to be buried.

As we walked out the door toward our car to go to the grave site, I felt impressed that I should actually get out of the car and stand on the site with the cemetery official and told Terry, Kristy's brother, that we should stand on the site location and see the site. He agreed.

As we drove to the area of her grave, the lady leading us in a golf cart drove by the site, and I told Terry that she had passed it. He wasn't sure and then she got out and I thought that I was mistaken. We stood over the grave and she put a flag marker to note the correct grave and then she left. This was the spot Kristy would be buried.

Terry and I looked around for her parent's graves which were close by except that their graves were missing. No, they weren't missing. This wasn't the right spot. The lady had the marker in the wrong place.

I yelled out to her as she was driving off in the distance and called for her to come back. She stopped and turned around and then stood with us. I said that this isn't the right place that you have marked for Kristy. She looked around and finally agreed that a mistake has been made. 

Wow! 

Kristy was almost put in the wrong spot. Can't you imagine what that could have been like to get to the grave service and find out she was being put in the wrong spot. Can you imagine what she would have said to me when I got to heaven if she was placed in the wrong grave?

Finally we got the correct site and placed the flag marker again into the ground.

As Terry and I got into the car, I said, "Terry do you know what just happened?"

"What?" he replied.

"Well, as we walked out of the office to get into the car, Kristy leaned over to the Holy Spirit and said, 'Tell Milton to check the site location out. They are about to bury me in the wrong spot!' 

Terry, Kristy was watching and wouldn't let me do this wrong!"

I can't prove that is what happened, but I believe there is a cloud of witnesses watching. I believe Kristy is watching. Grace and Udell are watching. My grandparents and Kristy's grandparents are watching. Many others who are dear to us are watching. They all are rooting us on to victory.

I am home alone tonight. It is hard. The house is quiet--too quiet. But Jesus is here, Mr. Green is here,  and there are witnesses watching and waiting for us to cross the finish line.

Kristy won! 

I will win too!

One final thing, I haven't had one desire to go back to her grave, not once. There would be nothing wrong with going there. Many find comfort in visiting the resting places of their loved ones. I respect that and understand.

I drive passed the cemetery often as it is just up the street from the church I pastor, but I have not been drawn there. Kristy is in heaven. She is not in that grave. She is watching me. That is enough for me.

LET'S DEBATE--FAIR AND HONEST

Milton, here for Kristy:

I'm watching the last Presidential debate as I type. It is a real dousy of an argument and differences. There are lots of promises being made and fingers pointing everywhere. Who is right? How do you get to the truth? Where is trust in our Country? Who can you trust?

I know that where there is no truth there can be no trust. Truth and trust go together. Trust is always predicated on truth. 

Truth was the strong point of my marriage with Kristy. We trusted each other totally because we lived with truth with each other. There were never any hidden agendas between us. No, we were not perfect and we had big differences as creative leaders will and do, but we built our marriage on truth that released trust and in turn blessed us.

Honesty was and is the best policy for Presidential debates and for spousal arguments and differences. Honesty eventually prevails for untruthfulness will eventually lead to mistrust and failure. 

I am grateful beyond words that I could look into Kristy's eyes as she left this world to go to the glory world and know that our marriage was built on fair and honest living with no regrets or shame.   

Truth and trust are rare and very extraordinary gifts. Without them, we fail. With them, we thrive.

KRISTY WOULD BE PROUD!

Milton, here for Kristy:

I did it! I did it!

I'm batting two for two and that is a 1000. Last night I had my second dinner gathering at my house--I mean only the second one ever. My guests were John and Irma and Mary and Al, two neighbor couples who have been so kind to me and my family during Kristy's illness. They left last night saying that I did "OK" after grilling steaks, baking potatoes, cooking green beans, making a salad and offering up dessert.

The weather was lovely for outside grilling. This is a really nice time of the year in Jacksonville right now. We have 1 and 1/2 seasons here and we're getting to the 1 and 1/4 mark right now.

Here is a grilling tip from an expert. I am batting 1,000. Doesn't that make me an expert?

Did you know that one way to speed up coals burning on a grill is to use a leaf blower to fire up the coals? All you do is crank it up and point it at the burning coals and boy does the fire get hotter faster. Now that takes some really smart engineering to come up with that one. That kind of idea comes from a guy who would grill steaks on a cookie sheet. I did that one time and didn't impress Kristy at all with a ruined cookie sheet. She was gone on a trip and that is how I made do alone without her. I think I am doing a little better now. At least I didn't cook the steaks on a cookie sheet last night.

But, no kidding, a gas blower really fires up those coals quicker if you are in a hurry. Don't laugh. I am a well educated single guy who has to make up short falls any way I can.

The evening was a success as I figure it. Life goes better when you have friendly neighbors and one way to have friendly neighbors is to be friendly.

What was for dessert? I offered up a choice of key lime pie, Blue Bell ice cream, or chocolate chip cookies.

We talked about Kristy, life, and funny stuff at church.

Life has changed for me. I choose to go forward by God's grace.

AND THE WINNER OF THE MR. GREEN CONTEST IS....

Milton, here for Kristy:

Kristy loved to tell funny stories--the lady was a hoot! She obviously would like all this attention on Mr. Green.

I found out why Mr. Green is green. Look at his bottom in the second picture below. There are paper clips down there. The poor little guy needs prayer. His plumbing is all stopped up! HA! 

The paper clips fit in the toilet and are pulled out by the magnet on his bottom ...... ouch! This butt station, as it is called, was given to me as a birthday gift by sis attempting to give me a laugh. Boy, did we all get a laugh on this one.

What do I think the butt station and Mr. Green have to say to me prophetically? Well, it could have several meanings, and I think just about every comment and answer given has something to speak to me. So I will receive each answer and the joy, and love and truth sent by each one.

And the winner is:

Drum roll please!

The winner is  Jerry Kessie and here is why. Kristy loved the BC story Jerry shared and told it a lot especially the first few years of our marriage,  except she told it as the WC--Water Closet misunderstood as a Wayside Chapel.

I remember the first time I heard the funny about the WC when Kristy told it at a couples' house not long after we were married. We all died laughing. All along I would get her to tell it, but it has been years since I heard it. She shared it all from memory and didn't miss a beat telling it. I think when I heard her tell that story the first time was when it dawned on me this gal was going to be a lot of fun in life. 

Also, I love relevant Scripture so Jerry touched me with her deep knowledge of the Word. What was that Deuteronomy Scripture she quoted? Isn't all Scripture relevant?

Jerry, please email me your address at Milton646@aol.com so I can forward you the grand prize of $15  from Amazon.com. Congratulations on submitting the best entry in this contest according to Da Judge.

Happy Birthday Gayle and Dayle. I bet you gals are lots of fun too!

Mom, you are always right.

Sandra B., your post wins honorable mention for the best prophetic message and illustration.

All of the comments were good and deserve a gift so I give you the gift of blessing: 

I bless all of you that your day and life will abound with the grace and kindness of our Lord, dear and special close friends, and new relationships of strangers far and wide. 

Now, that is a great gift!

I am learning so much during this grieving and adjusting time. Loneliness is a tough hard trial. Mr. Green is sitting on the counter behind me looking over my shoulder, but he hasn't said a word. I do all the talking between us. He helps make late night sleeplessness easier and peanut butter sandwiches not so hard to eat all by myself.

Jesus is my best friend. He walks with me. He talks with me. He tell me that I am not alone. Maybe Jesus sent Mr. Green through sis to keep me comfort. Who knows?

***

Tuesday night I will host my second dinner engagement as a single guy at my house. I have invited two neighbor couples. The house is clean. The yard looks great. I have my shopping list. The guest are invited. There will be more gourmet cooking at my house Tuesday night! 

Well, maybe not gourmet food, but food nevertheless. What am I serving? 

AH....A BEAUTIFUL WEDDING

Milton, here for Kristy:

Saturday afternoon I performed a wedding ceremony on Amelia Island. Mr. Green could not go as it was by invitation only and he wasn't included. The contest for the $15 gift certificate is officially over and the winner will be announced Tuesday morning. 

If you go back through Kristy's blog you will find lots of writings and some pictures about weddings, receptions, and marriage. She oozed romance and would have loved being with me on this Saturday afternoon as I performed the wedding ceremony  for Stephen and Robinn.

It was an outdoor wedding on the beach with just one couple attending along with me. I wrote their wedding vows from a combination of traditional and contemporary ceremonies which included a letter to Robinn and Stephen from Robinn's father who was unable to attend.

The Amelia Island Plantation was the last place that Kristy and I spent time together before her crash and admittance into the Hospice Center. It was a little surreal that the first wedding that I would perform would be held at the location of the last place Kristy and I spent time together at a get-a-way--our final one. Of course I had nothing to do with planning the wedding location, it just happened to be the place the couple chose.

It was a beautiful ceremony and very touching for a number of reasons that I will not share. Admittedly it was hard for me to perform, but Kristy was looking down smiling. She always got excited when I performed weddings.

After the vows were exchanged on the beach, we went back inside for the witnesses and me to sign their marriage license. As we sat at a table, tears began to brim my eyes. I knew how special and sacred those vows are. I know what they mean even more that now my beloved is gone.

The couple, Tom and Suzanne, who were their witnesses were touched and amazed at what I shared concerning Kristy and her death and our marriage. So were Stephen and Robinn. 

I looked at Stephen and Robinn and told them to let the tenderness and tearfulness of my eyes and heart be a sacred remembrance to them of how utterly awesome and holy their vows are that they made to each other on the beach.

Then they all did something very sweet. They took my hands and offered a very gracious prayer of love and strength for me. 

God is faithful.

MEET MR. GREEN...

Milton, here for Kristy:

Kristy would want me to have a buddy. Now I have one. I have had a number of people suggest that I get a dog or cat to keep me company, but I have never have been a pet kind of guy. I do have a nice back yard with a dog house.  

I would not have dreamed of such a nice little guy in this lonely time. He likes watching football with me and sits quietly as I type. He doesn't make any noise, and doesn't eat. But if I find a deposit in that seat he is resting on, he is out of here!

I found out the name of my little buddy. His name is Mr. Green. I know what he does but I am still working on the prophetic message Mr. Green has for me. My sis sent him and couldn't remember right off what he does, but I just wonder what kind of message Mr. Green has for me?

Well, the questions continue and you can win a $15 gift card from Amazon.com  by winning the contest started yesterday. Look at yesterday's post to catch up on all the rules. Maybe you have a word of insight on Mr. Green, and  maybe you will win the $15 gift card. 

So here are the questions:

What does it mean prophetically?

Is there a message here somewhere for me?

What is the message?

How can I use this for an illustration?

Does God take things like this and work good from it?

Why would you buy this for your brother?

What made her think I might need this?

Why would a grown man with reasonable mental stability spend time on this?

There are some great posts from yesterday, but maybe today someone will have just the 

"word" Mr. Green has for me.

Whatever happens, at least I have a little friend here. I guess if Tom Hanks could talk to a volleyball in the movie Castaway then I can talk to Mr. Green. This house is quiet, but Mr. Green is sitting next to me while I type.

A PURPOSE DRIVEN GIFT?

Milton, here for Kristy:

Did you ever get an odd gift from someone? Kristy was always buying crazy, quirky things and adding a little spice to life. Her odd purchases are all over this house--a spilled coffee cup, a knife with peanut butter placed on the kitchen counter, an Impala with a red nose, etc. Her crazy stuff is so sorely missed.

I received a box in the mail this week and looked all around in it for a description of it and what to do with it. The only thing I saw was a note by sis, Norma, saying that I am now older than she is. I called her and described it and she couldn't

remember what it was or what to do with it. 

I said, "You sent this to me and can't remember what this is and what to do with it? And you think I am older than you?" 

So here are the questions:

What do you do with this thing?

What does it mean prophetically?

Is there a message here somewhere for me?

What is the message?

How can I use this for an illustration?

Does God take things like this and work good from it?

Why would you buy this for your brother?

What made her think I might need this?

What is this thing?

Why would a grown man with reasonable mental stability spend time on this?

If you have an answer for any one of these questions there is a gift certificate worth $15  to Amazon.com that will be given to the person who posts the best answer . You don't have to be present to win. You only have to answer one of the above questions and have the best answer--according to Da Judge. 

Favoritism may or may not decide the one who wins the $15. (Hey, it is my contest.) I am Da Judge. Da Judge's decision is final. I must receive your answer by midnight Sunday, Oct. 12. The contest will be decided in three days and the winner announced on the Tuesday morning post.

Last one to comment is a rotten egg!

What is this thing?

LET THERE BE NOISE!

Milton, here for Kristy:

Kiddies are in the house again. No, they are not my grandchildren, but they brighten things up around here. Kristy had toys all bagged up in the closet for our kiddies and now they are pulled out for entertainment for the twins. Terry and Sandra are here along with their daughter Amy and her two twins, Riley and Ellie. Aren't they something!

It is amazing the sounds that you hear in homes--TV's blarring, entertainment systems playing sweet music, children running around, families living, arguments flying, prayers prayed, love shared. 

In this home it has been rather quiet except for my new sound system and TV's and computers. Not much has been happening. 

I am listening to the tapping of my keys on this computer and those sounds have been in this house  long before Kristy passed. It is sad when typewriter keys are a primary sound source in your home. My voice has been the only voice in here for some time so I am thrilled to have twins running around here. 

Sounds are evidenced of life. Evening the cries and whines of two excited kiddies are good. Ugh, they

wake up real early but are so sweet.

When I think back on all the activities that have filled our home, my mind races, some tears stream, my heart is filled with gratitude to God for wonderful years, my hopes look to the promise of God's goodness to come.

Let there be noise!

COMPANY'S COMN'!

Milton, here for Kristy:

The house will have noise tonight! Terry and Sandra and their daughter, Amy will be here with Amy's twins! The twins are infants and busy, busy, busy!

I got the shovel and rake out and cleaned house this morning. Oh, shovels and rakes are for the outside. What do you use for the inside?

They will need clean sheets. And is there toilet paper everywhere it is needed? What for food? Will they need to eat the next three days? Towels? Will they bath? Where is all that stuff. I thought it just appeared?

How did Kristy do all this? Where are the snacks she always had available? 

Well, things are different at my house.

No, I didn't use a shovel or rake to clean the house. It is clean, just not Kristy clean. I have snacks. 

YEA, TWINKIES!!!!

A cleaning lady is coming Monday to make up where I need help. I need lots of help!

Company is coming. Where is my beloved? This visit will be different than before, but I will make it. God is going to help me.

LET'S TALK ABOUT SEX! PART IX

Milton, here for Kristy:

It is unusual for me to post all of the comments made by the readers of this blog, but I felt I should because they all make a point. I can't and won't cover all that I see in their thoughts, but I will say that each comment is indicative of the purpose and goal of all of Kristy's writings and now my writings.

It is all about romance, blessing, and grace to forgive and stand firm through all the highs and lows of marriage. I will write this story for some time to come. Every day I see new things that God is doing in my life and did in our lives through our thirty-seven years together.

I know more about life, death, hanging tough, standing in weakness and strength, and the deep hurts and pain of loss. Singleness has a whole new scope of understanding for me and I am going to learn more on this subject. I couldn't bear it when Kristy left for a brief visit or trip or get-a-way. Now I bear leaving alone without her the rest of my life. It is unbelievable.

Your comments have meant more than you will ever know. I have found strength, hope, and a sense of purpose through your comments and kind thoughts and prayers. I pray a special blessing for each of you who have walk and continue to walk this journey with me. May God bless you all and may God bless the commenters from yesterdays blog. 

 robin bayne said...

I think it's sweet that you are writing about your romance story. Still praying for you and your family.

9:37 AM

 anonymous said...

Your advice ought to be written across the top of every marriage certificate and framed on the bedroom wall.

Your decision to call trusted friends to accountability is such a godly step. Lord bless you as you walk with him. You are honoring God, your beautiful Kristy, your personal testimony, and your ministry. Wise, wise decision, and I admire you greatly for having made it.

4:14 PM

 jane doe said...

You're very wise to have accountability in your life, especially now that you are alone and without your life partner. The enemy knows how to come in like a flood.

How I wish I had been accountable to someone many years ago when I fell into sin and had an affair. It's been the heaviest burden to bear, even all these years later. My husband never found out, and I don't believe in telling everything you know. It would only crush him and there's no need to do that, knowingly. God has restored me in some areas, but I still struggle with guilt and find it very hard to be intimate with anyone now.

I wish you could counsel through this blog, but I understand the format doesn't lend itself to counseling.

Please keep me in your prayers.

9:00 PM

LET'S TALK ABOUT SEX! PART VIII

Milton, here for Kristy:

Here is more thoughts on Sex for Saints:

Sexual love has to be protective love. It cannot be jealous or suspicious or a love that is overbearing, but it also has to be protective.

Kristy and I never questioned each other's faithfulness. We were virgins when we married. She knew that I respected her and I knew I could trust her because I knew that she was pure with me. She could trust me in marriage because she trusted me before marriage. I trusted her in marriage because I trusted her before marriage. 

Having said that we did work hard at protecting each other and guarding against Satan's attempts to pierce or wound us sexually. Kristy worked overtime at taking care of her man. I took care to stay close to her and to be blessed by her so there would be no reason to stray. God kept us for thirty-seven years.

Now, Kristy is in heaven and I am here alone. She is no longer at my side. We cannot share the sweetness of our love, our romance, our longings. Now, I have asked three persons that I have great confidence to stand as a guard over my life so that I will honor Him in this season. They are praying for me and standing guard with me so Satan will have no place in my life.

I have asked them to pray with me and call me to accountability and ask me how I am doing and if there is any area that the enemy of my soul has gained a foothold. They are to ask me how I am doing spiritually, and with being alone, and if there are areas that the enemy of my soul is gaining ground. They are part of my protective armor.

Kristy fulfilled that role  all of my adult life as well as being the God given fulfiller of my deepest desires as a man. The marriage bed is undefiled and is the place God intends the sexual dimension of our lives to be lived out. It is the place of fulfillment.

I counseled a couple on Monday night that I will perform their wedding this Saturday. I shared with them the sacredness of marriage and actually plan on following up with counseling sessions with this couple after their marriage. I told them that when we marry that our bodies are no longer ours but they belong to our spouse. I told them not to marry if you are not willing to fulfill the sexual desires of your mate. Marriage has many dimensions far beyond the sexual, but the sexual side is a big part of what God intended for marriage. As you can imagine, they both smiled big and grinned and got more excited as I counseled them. I told them that they were to lovingly fulfill their mates needs and wishes.

That is part of the protective side of sexual love. The bond is sealed and the desires are met in the marriage bed. Sexual love must include a protective love. Several years back we co-authored an article on preventing moral failure. God forgives and restores when there has been moral failure, but it is so much better to never fall into this trap of the devil. One main secret of preventing moral failure is setting right priorities. When we get life right it is hard to go wrong.

I like what one recent comment stated, "Sex is good."

That is right. Sex is good. God created it, and sexual purity is the best, so protect it.

SEX FOR THE SAINTS! PART VII

Milton, here for Kristy:

So, why does a new widower who is a pastor feel that he needs to write on sex? My mind is not stuck in this area even though I will admit that I am a man who is like any other male. Men were designed by God with a genetic propensity toward sex. That is just the way God made us.

Yet, to be honest, I would have rather ran the other way than write on this topic for these last days. I wasn't offended one moment by the comment by one of the readers that encouraged me to write on other aspects of my journey. But I couldn't. I had to write in this arena. Something inside my compelled me to write on the topic Sex and the Saints.

Maybe it was Kristy's love of romance and her knowledge that godly romance has better to offer couples than anything we see in the secular arena. Kristy adorned the passionate love stories of the Bible. She loved God's Word and knew what God's Word taught about sex, marriage, and the marriage bed. She worked hard to communicate through love stories the idealistic romance she dreamed, prayed for, and experienced.

Our wedding kiss was sweet and the kisses kept coming. She taught me to kiss her going out the door as I began my day and coming in the door as the work day would end. We held hands and walked together for 37 years with sweet romance. We had fireworks and we had fun and she loved people enough to passionately pursue sharing her and our experience and beliefs every way she could. That is a huge part of my motivation. I want to honor her desires to bless others.

I never dreamed in a million years I would ever survive her. I just knew she would live to be a hundred and I could only hope for 85 years or so. This has been a total surprise and shock to have her leave me. She had so much more to write, to say, so illustrate, to see published. We worked so hard together for that to happen.

Sex for the Saints is a needed and worthy topic. All you have to do is read only a few of the daily comments to understand the value writing on this topic.

It is impossible to turn this into a counseling blog answering all the questions and dealing with all the issues that come with sex. If this series has touched a cord in your life or if you know that there are issues to be resolved in your marriage, then I beg you to get further counsel. If your spouse isn't fulfilling your needs, or if you or your spouse has morally failed then please seek counsel. If you know that you are at a dangerous place in your marriage, then seek help now. Don't wait. Your marriage bed and relationship can be better.

LET'S TALK ABOUT SEX! PART VI

Milton, here for Kristy:

Kristy was crawling over me returning to her side of the bed after going downstairs to check on little Julie and Jennifer. We had been on vacation years ago up in the Smokies with the "four ministry couples" that we have often spent time together and our little ones were sleeping on the basement floor. Kristy and I were on the second floor. It was late into the night, and the room and house was dark and she didn't want to stumble around the room to her side of the bed so she just began crawling over me.

I reached up and "touched" her as only husbands should and quietly whispered, "Is that you Kristy?" 

She suddenly paused with surprise and then a little giggle, "What do you mean, 'is that you, Kristy?!!!!!

I responded, "I just wasn't so sure." 

"Well, you better be sure!" she said,

I was sure. I was always sure. Our love was a committed, pure love. She knew that.

We quietly laughed into the night. I had "gotten" her.

***

Today I continue on the topic Sex and the Saints that Kristy so passionately pursued by sharing her Biblical based views on romance and love. She wrote it; she lived it; she loved it. Now I reflect on the wonderful years of marital bliss we enjoyed and she desired to inspire others to experience.

The root of success in this physical dimension of marriage all stems out of love. So what is love? How is love lived out sexually in the marriage bed?

Love understands, reaches out, is not demanding or withholding or inconsiderate. It does not seek its own way. It is respectful. Love is patient and kind.  It looks to the needs of the other. It is faithful. It is not pushy, self-indulgent, or faithless. Love believes, bears, and hopes all things. Love never fails.

So here goes some sex talk:

Sex based on love is understanding of the other's needs.

Sex based on love reaches out and pursues.

Sex based on love is not demanding of its own wishes.

Sex based on love does not withhold.

Sex based on love is never inconsiderate.

Sex based on love never seeks its own interests.

Sex based on love is respectful.

Sex based on love is patient.

Sex based on love is kind.

Sex based on love is never demanding.

Sex based on love serves the other's needs.

Sex based on love gives when there is tiredness.

Sex based on love makes time.

Sex based on love is faithful.

Sex based on love is not pushy.

Sex based on love is not self-indulgent.

Sex based on love is not faithless.

Sex based on love has hope.

Sex based on love bears all things.

Sex based on love believes.

Sex based on love endures all things.

Sex based on love never fails.

I wish I could say that Kristy and I were successful in our marriage in every point I mentioned. Thankfully, in most of these points we had an honor role grade or at least a passing grade, but in some points we both had to work to get a decent grade. There lies the point: Marriage is work and sex that has fireworks with fun has focused, specific attention. It is not all spontaneous, euphoric ecstasy. 

Love is a decision that is lived out by the act and choice of our will. God chose to love us. He didn't just "fall in love" with us. He loved us when we were sinners. Love is a choice.

In marriage, hopefully our choice of a mate was made and committed to with enthusiasm and excited passion and not mere rote choice, but the marriage relationship that is lived out has more than excited, happy emotion. It was lived out daily by committed choice as well as with euphoric passion.

Our marriage bed of sexual relationship includes committed, determined choices manifested in a godly and caring manner. It was a I Corinthians 13 love. It was love that was lived out as Kristy often said, "When the hands are not sinking into his arms but are rather sinking into the sink." It was love lived out when there wasn't always emotion, passion, or desire, but we worked through those times and we worked to do right sexually because that is what true love does.

Now, may I close my thoughts by encouraging you to look at the needs and failing of your spouse, if you are married, and pray for him or her. Will you ask God to help you to grow in His love as you love your mate? Will you ask God to forgive you where you have failed, and will you chose a sexual lifestyle lived out by God's love?

If you're marriage is enjoying one of those beautiful seasons and everything is OK, would you pray for God's love to reach out to some you know are in need?

If you are single by choice or widowed or in a time of physical sexual impairment, would you let God draw you closer to Him so that your life honors Him during this season?

If there is brokenness and sorrow in your marriage or life, would you let Jesus strengthen you and give wisdom and guidance so that better days will be ahead for you.

I will write another post or so on this topic, but I pray that God will help someone to a higher love and a greater dimension of fireworks and fun by Kristy's and our example and life.